My husband has been out of town for a week and a half. I have grown increasingly tired ever since. I could blame myself for not going to bed earlier, letting little things ride my nerves and failing to medicate myself heavily enough to sleep through some of the nighttime activities. But really, as if. My children and the three annoying dogs that dwell in my house are clearly to blame.
Highlights from the last week and a half include being held hostage by my children who now require the hall light on and every bedroom door open in order to even close their eyelids. And the night the dogs woke me every hour on the hour was pretty awesome, too.
My husband made the mistake of asking me repeatedly every day to recite for him the contents of our incoming mail. He couldn't seem to fathom a grown woman tossing mail on the counter and forgetting about it for days on end. I can't seem to fathom why I have to explain the frenzy that ensues from 5-7 pm in our house everyday. He lives here. He's familiar with the horrors that can take place.
Needy kids. Frantic dogs. Starving beasts of all shapes and sizes. Crap the dogs have shredded that needs to be cleaned up. People running out of clean underwear. Notes from teachers to read. Backpacks to pack. Lost shoes. Lost blankies. Lost patience. Death would have been preferable to the night we ran out of toothpaste and no one noticed until bed time. I realize strawberry flavored toothpaste is significantly tastier than plain old Colgate but despondent weeping on floor still seemed like a bit much.
Evenings are challenging with two parents on the job. One parent and you're mostly just hoping to get through it without anyone writing on your 400 thread count pillow cases with a black marker. Which, by the way, I'm a complete failure at. I like to tell myself the marker will come out in the laundry because it was dry erase not permanent marker. I also like to remind myself that it wasn't a top tier pillow case in the hierarchy that is my linen closet. That hierarchy begins at the top with pillow cases that make my day better and no one else is allowed to use, pillow cases I'm willing to sleep on, pillow cases for the lesser used pillows on our bed and finally pillow cases that are tolerable backups in the event someone throws up on every other pillow case we own. My husband's pillows typically get second tier pillow cases. Don't bother feeling sorry for him. Dude could not identify the different tiers if his life depended on it. And he was sleeping on 180 thread count sandpaper when I met him.
Anyhoo. Besides expecting daily incoming mail recitations, my husband has also succumbed to the Swine Flu paranoia. This included trying to convince me to not leave the house at one point and several symptoms he felt coming on. I have trouble taking him seriously though. Not because I don't take Swine Flu seriously but because my husband once told me his head was itchy despite the fact that he was four states away and nowhere near our lice ridden kids.
I guess he doesn't realize that when he goes out of town for more than three days sitting at my desk at work is practically like being on vacation. For example, I can't recall the last time someone in my office cried for 20 minutes over three drops of water on their shirt. The same cannot be said about my dining room tonight. Me thinks a certain five year old can't wait for her Daddy to come home. Join the club, kid.
4.29.2009
4.19.2009
Allow me to "clarify"
Normally, when I've failed to blog for weeks on end it is an email or phone call from my BFF juliebear that reminds me that inquiring minds want to know if I'm still breathing. Imagine my surprise this time when it was an email from a blog reader. And one I don't even know in real life. That's like nice squared.
Carosgram just wanted to let me know she was thinking of me and hoping everything was okay. She also mentioned that she missed reading my writing and that's what made me decide to have her likeness tattooed on my puny left bicep to show to people who think blogging is an odd hobby. And she doesn't even have a link I can share. No blog of her own to send you to. She's just anonymously sweet. Which makes her email just that much nicer. It also means that the tattoo likeness will be insufficient thanks and that I'm going to need to cosign to refinance her mortgage or something. It also kinda sorta makes me want to be a better blogger. Which is all kinds of movie of the week but whatever. It was really nice of her to think of me. And who hasn't had a blog they read sit dormant for weeks and you start wonder what's the haps. I know I have. So, yeah, for people that take the time to email instead of lazy chickens like me that just wonder!
I'd like to report that I've been busy doing exciting things while I was neglecting my blog and it's thoughtful readers. Except then I'd have to lie and make some crap up because truth be told it's mostly been work and laundry. Because the downside of your employer sending you to two weeks of training is that your employer typically doesn't find someone to do your job while you're gone. They just let your work stack up until you get back instead. Super!
The control freak inside my head thinks that's okay because then it won't get done wrong but the realist in my soul thinks at least it would be done instead of people emailing me repeatedly asking me when it will be done and why it's not done already and then maybe copying in everyone under the sun asking what the hold up is while pretending they didn't talk to you the day before and had the entire situation explained to them in detail. Not that I've experienced that or anything. Definitely not. But I'm sure it's very annoying. And I'm sure it would require a phone call to that person to give them the what for and put them in their place. You know to "clarify" things.
"Clarify" is business code for "what the hell are you talking about?" Because "I haven't heard from her in 10 days" makes me wonder who the hell I spoke to on the phone twice this week. And copying in my chain of command to try to make me look bad makes me think you've mistaken me for a doormat and that I better "clarify" with you who you are dealing with. It also makes me think everyone's chain of command needs to be copied in when I put you on friendly, professional blast in my reply. Not that I'm the sort to put someone on friendly, professional blast. I'm just saying, if I was going to put someone on blast in email, it would definitely be friendly and professional. Ah, the joy of passive aggressive office politics! For my next office lingo lesson I will be explaining the many uses for the word "prioritize" and how every single one of them will make you want to stab someone in the face. Good times!
Carosgram just wanted to let me know she was thinking of me and hoping everything was okay. She also mentioned that she missed reading my writing and that's what made me decide to have her likeness tattooed on my puny left bicep to show to people who think blogging is an odd hobby. And she doesn't even have a link I can share. No blog of her own to send you to. She's just anonymously sweet. Which makes her email just that much nicer. It also means that the tattoo likeness will be insufficient thanks and that I'm going to need to cosign to refinance her mortgage or something. It also kinda sorta makes me want to be a better blogger. Which is all kinds of movie of the week but whatever. It was really nice of her to think of me. And who hasn't had a blog they read sit dormant for weeks and you start wonder what's the haps. I know I have. So, yeah, for people that take the time to email instead of lazy chickens like me that just wonder!
I'd like to report that I've been busy doing exciting things while I was neglecting my blog and it's thoughtful readers. Except then I'd have to lie and make some crap up because truth be told it's mostly been work and laundry. Because the downside of your employer sending you to two weeks of training is that your employer typically doesn't find someone to do your job while you're gone. They just let your work stack up until you get back instead. Super!
The control freak inside my head thinks that's okay because then it won't get done wrong but the realist in my soul thinks at least it would be done instead of people emailing me repeatedly asking me when it will be done and why it's not done already and then maybe copying in everyone under the sun asking what the hold up is while pretending they didn't talk to you the day before and had the entire situation explained to them in detail. Not that I've experienced that or anything. Definitely not. But I'm sure it's very annoying. And I'm sure it would require a phone call to that person to give them the what for and put them in their place. You know to "clarify" things.
"Clarify" is business code for "what the hell are you talking about?" Because "I haven't heard from her in 10 days" makes me wonder who the hell I spoke to on the phone twice this week. And copying in my chain of command to try to make me look bad makes me think you've mistaken me for a doormat and that I better "clarify" with you who you are dealing with. It also makes me think everyone's chain of command needs to be copied in when I put you on friendly, professional blast in my reply. Not that I'm the sort to put someone on friendly, professional blast. I'm just saying, if I was going to put someone on blast in email, it would definitely be friendly and professional. Ah, the joy of passive aggressive office politics! For my next office lingo lesson I will be explaining the many uses for the word "prioritize" and how every single one of them will make you want to stab someone in the face. Good times!
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