Gee, you mean you didn't leave that empty Doritos bag in the trash for me? I could have sworn you wanted me to take it out and sneak upstairs to your son's room so I could ram my snout in it and lick it clean? My bad. Would it help if I keep the noisy bag crinkling to a minimum so you don't have to come upstairs to figure out if a pack of squirrels broke in the house? No? Oh, I see you don't even want me in the trash. Good to know. Unlikely to happen, of course. But still good to know.
I wish there was a way to do scared straight type intervention with these 2 by taking them over to meet some dogs that actually live in their owners' backyard instead of inside the house. You know, dogs that don't know what it's like to sleep all day on a pillow top mattress and only get up long enough to beg for food and bark at people that have the nerve to walk past our house.
A certain someone who shall remain nameless played a casual game of softball for the first time in years and came home with some sort of hamstring tear and a broken finger. Is it wrong that I laugh every time someone asks which finger and he answers by sticking up his broken middle finger?
Thanks to damage during a recent storm we had a car totaled and have been shopping for a new car. On the downside, we're here to report that cars have gotten very expensive in the six years since we bought our last car. On the upside, we located the World's nicest dealership bathroom, dumped buckets of foam blocks on each other, our children covered an entire hallway in the dealership with foam puzzle pieces and our sit down chat with the finance guy should be a sitcom. He tried to tell us about some warranty and my husband and I told him we're the human equivalent of a brick wall and wouldn't be adding anything else on. We swapped jokes for 15 minutes about what a great value he was trying to offer us. But the best was when my husband listed my occupation on the actual paperwork as "el capitan." Guess that's not one of his drop down categories in the computer so he tried to professionally ask us to clarify.
Quick stop at the grocery store for lunchables. 6 for $5 and next thing you know you're there on a Friday night at 8 pm after a grande margarita buying 20 six packs (literally) in the self check aisles. I'm sure the store employees were wondering what the hell we were doing. If the store paid them more than minimum wage they might have come over and asked since there was a limit of 4 per person. If they had, we'd have explained that we don't pay retail. Don't let the kids fool you into thinking they were bored during this operation either. They were both chucking lunchables everywhere and trying to scan random items at the self check. Holla.
Don't worry, Bruno. We'll all just stumble awkwardly over you every time we need to go up or down the stairs. No really. Don't get up. We'll just fall and break our necks so that you can happily lay on the 3rd step while your dopey gremlin friend stands guard.