A tent free weekend in my future

On the downside, it’s been 6 days since I exercised last. On the upside I successfully did not snack after dinner last night and am down another .4 pounds this morning. And that’s despite the 2 dozen Krispy Kreme donuts that were sitting in my kitchen this morning. Holla.

I lifted the lid and smelled.  No more.  No less.

I’m so very glad it’s Friday. As always. I have big plans for the weekend that include my pajamas, my pajamas and my pajamas. Sadly, my Italian Stallion husband will be leaving my general vicinity for over 24 hours. I will be forced to hog the entire bed in his absence. I will also be forced to pay attention to our 2 annoying dogs who will be in Italian Stallion withdrawal. I swear they stare at me the entire time he’s gone silently asking where the hell he went and if he's coming back.  I'm pretty sure they blame me and call me names, too.

I may agree to get dressed long enough to take my children to the movies over the weekend. Or not. We’ll see how I feel.

I mostly know I’m going to feel better than I did last weekend. Because last weekend I got stuck on a Girl Scout campout despite feeling sick and puny.  Even in my sick and puny state, I could tell my daughter was equating my attendance at this campout as a testament to whether or not I love her.  Therefore, it was to the campsite this sick and puny female went! Then we had 18 mile an hour winds that did this to the side of our tent:

How to turn a 4 man tent into a 2 man tent.

We still shoved some hot dogs and popsicles in our faces, hiked around and told ghost stories.  My kid naturally passed out 3 minutes after she finally laid down at 10:30.  My kid was still passed out while I was laying in my sleeping bag trying to figure out how I was going to last another 9 hours with a headache laying on the hard ground listening to the 18 mile an hour wind whip our tent around.  I decided a trip to the bathroom might restore my life energy.  I'm so glad I did.  I discovered that three tents had caved in and the supports literally cracked.  While a 4th one was beginning to come apart, us parental types did the math and concluded 12 people and a small Chihuahua in a crate were not going to fit in my 4 man tent that was the last one standing with any space left.

We threw our crap in our cars and hit the road. The girls had already had lots of big fun and didn’t care a bit that we were leaving. In fact, they thought our middle of the night flight from the campgrounds was part of the adventure. I, on the other hand, like to think the universe broke those other tents so I could sleep in my own bed that night.

So any weekend that will not include tents collapsing around me is bound to be a good one.  In other news, I took my 10 year old to the doctor recently and had my first opportunity to field questions about whether or not she’s on birth control or if there’s any chance she’s pregnant. Um. Yeah.

So, to their credit the kid was going to have X-rays and those are standard questions before X-rays. To my horror though, there was an actual form to fill out and they asked me if I wanted to fill it out for her. She’s 10. Please hand me the form and stop talking lest this kid look up from her iTouch and want to get nosey Rosie on me.

Apparently this form becomes mandatory at 10 years old.  It asks all sorts of crap about menstrual cycles, hysterectomy and possible pregnancy.  I prefer to not think of this child anywhere near a menstrual cycle.   This kid is volatile on a good day. I do not look forward to running into her on a wings day.

At least the doctor’s office had the decency to provide ridiculously oversized shorts for her to wear because who doesn’t love taking amusing photos of their children while killing time.

It 's the least they could do after having the nerve to post a sign on the back of the exam room door telling me to refrain from using my cell phone in the exam room and don't let your kid play with the rolling stool.  Can't have it both ways, people.  Either we start rolling that stool around or we get busy texting people wacky photos of the balloon shorts. 

We're rebels like that.  And by rebels, I mean we decided they wouldn't be able to hear us texting photos from the nurse's station.  And if they can't hear you, I think we all know that means it's okay.