Currently

Things that have not been going right for me:

1. I’ve been sick. First there were migraines. Then I couldn’t remember anything to save my life. Then there was a sinus infection. Then a urinary tract infection. Then general feeling crappy. Then a head cold. Then another urinary tract infection. Then more feeling crappy. And now they have me on antibiotics and weaning off a sleep medication that may have been leaving me with “lingering confusion.” Um. What the hell kind of side effect and why would anyone want to take a medication that would leave you confused. I feel plenty confused as it is without medication to help me feel lost in the forest. 

2. I actually managed to develop the bubonic plague the day we were leaving on a long weekend mini vacation with 2 other families. Because it’s not bad enough to be sick while wearing a swimsuit. It’s infinitely more lame to then have a rental house already paid for so you have to go and bring your cooties with you to contaminate other people’s otherwise healthy children. Seriously. I am the wench that gave your kid cooties. I suck. And I had a Kleenex box with me poolside. That’s lamesauce.

3. Our refrigerator died for like the 8th time in a row. We kept having the world’s nicest appliance repair lady come and apparently put it back together with the equivalent of duct tape. The duct tape kept fraying and we’d be back to no fridge two days later. It’s a vicious cycle and involved buying a new gallon of milk every 3 days. Not cool. We finally decided the world’s nicest appliance repair lady was going to need to tag out on this one and let the big dogs at Fridgidaire give it a shot. Because this girl right here is tired of her blueberries going bad.

4. Everyone in my house has taken over my DVR and I now have 17 episodes of Full House, 8 episodes of some survival National Geographic channel crap called Life Below Zero. And yet my Real Housewives recordings are all roughly 11 minutes long because apparently that’s how long it takes before someone tells the DVR to stop recording my stuff so they can change the channel. I’m sure there was a riveting episode of VicTORIous we couldn’t possibly miss.

5. I have not been to my new gym in almost 3 weeks. The cooties have also been sapping my will to fight the flab and I haven’t eaten great either. Therefore, my size 8 jeans aren’t hanging off the tush anymore. They are clinging wildly to the tush and sending memos to my brain that we will soon be at Defcon 4 on the pants size front if I don’t get it together. My push up project has also been on hold for 3 weeks. What measly little muscle I had managed to build is in jeopardy of wasting away.

6. I broke the charger to my Garmin GPS watch. I'm now holding it together with a giant binder clip. It's full blown ghetto make it work.

7. The maintenance light in my car has been on for 2 months now.

8. I’m roughly 6 months overdue for a hair cut.

9. My sink has been full of dishes for 2 days.


Things that are totally going right for me:

1. It’s Friday.

2. It's still Friday. Did I mention that?