Whole30: Day 9 and I am a dismal failure

I last 8 full days on Whole30.

I did above average great for like 4 days. My enthusiasm was high. 30 days didn’t seem that long. And I finally figured out that filberts are the same thing as hazelnuts. I also learned that I like my scrambled eggs moister than my husband does, sweet potato fries end up mushy if the oven isn’t on high enough and that I am physically incapable of consuming guacamole 3 meals a day every day for 6 days in a row.

Granted, I was one confused wench when it came to no snacks. For the life of me, I do not understand how people can go all day every day with no snacks between meals.  I eat breakfast around 8 and by noon I’m starving. My stomach is literally growling by 11:30. Lately I’ve been trying to just have some carrot sticks to hold the crazy at bay but I really don’t get how I’m not supposed to want to. And I know I can’t eat early because if I eat lunch at 11, then I’ll be right back to starvin’ marvin by 3. But dinner’s not until I get home and make it so that’s 5 or 5:30.  So it's important to not eat lunch to early or suffer the consequences later.  Because, again, no snacks.

Despite the lack of snacks, I made it a good 6 days without really feeling like quitting. And that included my kids eating freshly popped popcorn right next to me and repeatedly offering me some. My husband was ready to shove some carbs down his throat by day 2. By day 5 he was actively pushing for us to move to eating Paleo instead of Whole30. But my glass was still half full with high hopes.

Then I got a cold and started feeling cruddy. It’s a known fact that carbohydrates cure the common cold. But I pushed through the cold without them.

I struggled mightily on Day 7. It had been a long Sunday including still being sick with a cold, a botched long run that left me discouraged, and my husband and I both felt tired and didn't want to get off our butts to cook dinner. We both wanted to just order something but where the hey do you order something that’s Whole30 approved that’s not a stupid salad? Because this female right here has eaten her some salad and then some.

So I ordered my kids a pizza and then my husband convinced me Buffalo Wings for him would not violate Whole30 and then I wondered why the hell I was going to eat salad and leftover chicken when some cheese pizza sounded so tasty and would soon be arriving on my doorstep hot and fresh. I was so frustrated and even as I heated up my chicken I was still contemplating ditching Whole30 and having pizza when it got there. I actually asked my husband if we wanted to quit. If he’d said yes, I can’t be sure I wouldn’t have gone along with it. But he said, no. So I sucked it up and shoved more lettuce down my gullet.

Then Monday I just felt hungry all day. Hungrier than the no snacks when is lunch hungry.  No matter how much I ate.  And I shoved a lot of vegetables in my face.  And then I spent the evening walking around our neighborhood with my favorite Girl Scout schilling cookies. It is above average challenging to assist in cookie sales without thinking about cookies and shoveling them in your mouth. Everybody wants to discuss the shortbreads and the peanut butter and the this and the that and seriously.  Cookie. Cookie. Cookie.

Then I was tired and ready for bed and woke up after a full 8 hours still tired and with a headache to boot. I’ve been tired for like the last month but exponentially more tired over the last 8 days. It seemed to just get worse. I managed to drag myself out of bed despite that and got dressed and ready to go for a run. I bundled up. Ate half a banana. And then I went to head out the door and it was 36 degrees. I’ve run in 36 degrees plenty of times. No big deal. But I stood there on my front porch and felt all 36 degrees in that moment.  And I just turned back around and went back inside. I wasn’t feeling it.

I stood in my kitchen having a conversation with myself about how there will be difficult days and I need to suck it up. I’m trying to train for a marathon for goodness sake. I somehow managed to talk myself up and I walked out the front door a second time.

I got as far as the end of my sidewalk and again felt all 36 degrees deep in my bones and just knew I didn’t have it in me. I walked back in the house and decided to hit the treadmill at work. I’ve never done that. I hate treadmills and I always just exercise at home. But I knew I couldn’t handle the cold. I couldn’t handle it in my soul.

And that’s when I knew there were other things I couldn’t handle. Not while trying to get to the end of my marathon training. Not while trying to be a decent mother, a kind and loving spouse and still go to work 40 hours a week. It was all too much. This female is just trying to get it done and she can’t do everything.

Marathon training is draining. I’ve been complaining to my husband about how exhausted I feel after a long run and how I spend 3 days getting back to feeling 100% energy-wise. And then when I know one is coming up, I find myself bracing for it 2 days before not wanting to overdo anything else.

I tried running 3 times while on Whole30. One was freezing cold and I couldn’t catch my breath. I lasted a mile. Another I made it my full 3 miles but it felt hard each and every step and I only got through it by making myself do it. And then finally my 9 mile long run against 20 mile an hour wind tried to kill me. I only made it 2 miles and walked 7. My energy just wasn’t there for me. Maybe it’s because of the cold I’d had. Or maybe my husband is to be believed and it’s the lack of carbs speaking to me.

But it felt like watching some flush my marathon hopes down the toilet and I can see them down in the water spinning and going further and further down about to disappear out of sight. I can’t die a carb free death 6 weeks out. I need to go into the home stretch strong and prepared. You don’t train for 6 months to botch it by starting some harebrained scheme 6 weeks before.

And Whole30 requires time and attention to prep. It’s further compounded by feeding kids who may not be as keen on some of the Whole30 recipes so then you’re making separate food for them. It’s enough of a challenge to get dinner on the table by 6 every night. Getting 2 dinners on the table is too much to add to my day.

So then I packed my bag for the gym at work and hit the Whataburger drive thru to celebrate the end of Whole30. It tasted great and just hours later I already felt the wind in my sails again. 8 full days in. Oh, well. I’m a girl that can only handle one thing at a time. Right now I’m attempting to scale a marathon mountain. If carbs can help, I need them right now.

So I’m a Whole30 failure. I’m bummed that I invested 8 days in it and was almost a third of the way done. Boo. Hiss. But I’ll live. I 'm especially bummed that I dragged my husband along on it for 8 full days. Because maybe his cries for carbs all along were because he felt this way and had already had the “it’s too much” epiphany. Or maybe he just already had the “it’s too much for my wife epiphany” for that matter. He is good and kind to put up with my nonsense.

Oh, well.

Life is a journey. Sometimes you realize you need to make a u-turn to get where you want to go. It’s not my first u-turn. Won’t be my last.