Life Lesson #1: 200 Thread Count Sheets Suck

In college, I threw away whole days of my life playing The Sims. That's the game where you control people, get them jobs, design their house and a bunch of other life decision stuff. For the most part, I feel like a loser when I think about all the hours of my life I wasted on that game that I'll never get back. But I did learn two things from it. One: That game is wicked addictive. When I say I threw away days of my life, I mean I’d look up at midnight and realize I was still in my pajamas and hadn’t done anything all day except get my Sim promoted a couple times at work. Kinda like how you'd lose days of your life watching those stupid Real World marathons. You find yourself hurrying back from the bathroom before the commercial’s over because you thought for sure Eric and Julie were gonna get together. And don't pretend you don't know which season of the Real World that is. Two: Comfort level matters. One of the little categories of info about your characters that you had to monitor was their comfort level. The ones that owned a good bed and nice chairs to sit on got more done each day because they were better rested. And they were happier people too. How basic must that information be that some computer dude knew to factor that in. I know people that own couches that are pretty instead of comfortable. I know people that buy 200 thread count sheets because the pattern on them is cute. They’re fools. All of them. Buy a painting if you want something pretty to look at. Buy a couch you like to sit on. And your sheets should be awesome. You’re spending 1/3 of your day between them. They should make you feel as though the entire day has led up to the moment when you get in that bed because they make you feel that pampered. I sleep on 420 thread count sheets. My comforter is 520. I freakin love that comforter. Don’t even get me started. My mother likes to tease me about my fancy sheets. As if I’m somehow flushing the family fortune down the toilet. As if I’m living above my means and what a shame I’m such an idiot and after she went and spent all that money on a private school education for me and everything. But they cost $40 at TJMaxx. $40. For the love of God. And did everyone get the memo that Walmart sells 400 thread count sheets now? Because they do. If Wal-mart’s putting it on their shelves, there ain’t nothin’ glamorous about it. Go ahead and up the thread count, people. Don’t listen to your Depression era “buying anything even moderately nice for yourself that you don’t absolutely need is bad” mentality mother. I know I don’t. Life’s too short to sleep on crappy ass sheets.