My daughter started Kindergarten this morning. I took her picture. I held her hand as we escorted her to her classroom. And then I cried on the way home. My husband commented that I could've used a Valium. I think he thought I was sad. I think the whole thing was sort of lost on him.
I knew that I would cry. I totally did. But I never thought it would be that rough. My children have both in daycare for years now. I'm not a weepy eyed novice. I've been around the block before.
But when I let her hand go and told her to go find her seat, I really had to make myself stand up and turn around. And in the car, I was genuinely weepy the whole ride home. I pulled it together shortly thereafter but even several hours later when I reflected on the day, I got weepy again. Not sad weepy. Just, wow, this is insane weepy. And holy cow that kid's become her own separate little person weepy. And what if the the rest of the years go this quick and then she'll be gone and what'll I do without her weepy. And she's so awesome today I'll miss her if she changes even one iota weepy. And she doesn't need me the way she used to and I never knew I wanted to be needed so much weepy.
She's my baby. She's the best I've got to offer and everything I never knew I wanted. She's the center of everything.
In her classroom, the teacher had little bear shaped name tag things laid out on a table. She'd take the kid to the table and tell them to find theirs as a little welcoming activity. When we got there I walked over with my daughter and started helping her put it on. That's when it dawned on me that I was being "that" mother. The one that's a little much. The one that needs to back off. That's what made me finally walk her to the door and said goodbye. Because it was time and I knew it.
That's what I'll remember most about today. That and how insanely cute that kid looked in her uniform:
I know. So cute it makes you think you need to curl your entire body around her. Try not to get sucked into the vortex of cuteness.
I'm glad I took today off from work. The only thing worse that feeling weepy is having a parade of people into your office wanting to hear about the status of your weepiness. You know, like the first day back to work after you have a baby and every mother in a three floor radius wants to drop by and ask how you're holding up and commiserate about how they've been there and even though you're barely hanging on by a thread you feel obligated to paste a smile on your face.
Anyway, it was a big day. But it's all good. Now I need to go back to reading the third book in the Twilight series. Finished the second one earlier today. Oh, I didn't mention I'd been reading them? I'll have to remedy that . . .