9.11.2013

The Medicated Italian Stallion Finishes the Sentence

My husband has trouble going to bed at a normal hour and staying asleep all night.  He sometimes takes sleep medication to help with it.  He's a nut case on a good day without sleep medication in his system.  All bets are off when that dude is medicated.

Don't bother trying to reason with him either.   It's better to just tell him to lay down and go to sleep.  Unless you're doing a Finish the Sentence Link Up with  Holly and Jake.  Because then it's just blog fodder so you should definitely get him talking.

Even the medicated Italian Stallion agrees.  For example, after telling him about the link up he explained to me in detail that he knows funny.  He also mentioned that I don't know how to manage funny.  I'm not even sure what managing funny means.  But I do know it means he's taken his sleep medication so it's time to have him start Finishing the Sentences.  His answers are in red.
You can never have enough pictures of your husband pretending to eat your kid.  That dude knows funny.
My happy place . . .  The bathroom after a 32 ounce cup of coffee and 2 bowls of salsa.  Pants should be around the ankles and book in hand. He'd be okay with a locked bathroom door, too.

Whatever happened to . . . Pop Rocks and Jolt soda. He's also curious about Captain Kangaroo and Sigmund the Sea Monster.  Uh, oh.  The eyelids are drooping and he's now fretting about Captain Kangaroo and waxing nostalgic.  Let's keep him moving.

So what if I . . . There's a lot going on.  Did we vote for America's Got Talent yet?  Huh.  A little sidetracked.  Maybe it's lingering nostalgia.

E! needs a reality show about ... Me.  And my vida loca.  I would like it noted that he answered this specific question while scratching his butt.  Classy.  At least we know he's done feeling nostalgic.  

My go-to fast food meal is . . . Don't know. Then he started demanding to know what this question refers to.  Who knew there could be a hidden agenda in a question about fast food?  And for the record the correct answer to this for anyone with taste buds should be Taco Hell and the the Bell Grande specifically.  Back in the day, I even got paid minimum wage to run the drive thru there so I'm pretty much a subject matter expert.   That includes knowing the 411 on the horrors of how that tasty crap is produced.  For example, the beans arrive at The Bell dried and looking like corn flakes.  Hot water and 30 minutes later and you have beans.  And yet, my inner fat girl don't care and says extra sour cream no green onions let's do this.   I never saw them put crack in the food while working there but there can be no other logical explanation for how addictive it can be.

You might not know that I . . . Am the product of crazy.  Right.  No one would ever guess that, carebear.  Good one.  I'd also like it noted that there was more itching taking place while contemplating that answer.
Quality parenting going on here.  Hard to decide who's doing a better job.  Him pretending to hold a beer bottle up to the kid's mouth or me for taking the picture.
The hottest quarterback in the NFL is . . . Payton Manning.  No hesitation.  I was all, um, really?   Me thinks he misunderstood the question.  I'm assuming he thought he'd wandered into a discussion about which player managed to cost his fantasy football team the win this week.   He then further confused me by immediately clarifying that Mark Sanchez is in fact the correct answer based on physical appearance.  Still no hesitation.  Interesting.
   
If I could . . . I'd open up a donut store that sells Taco Bell to keep our family together forever.  Highly medicated at this point.   Clearly.   No idea what he's saying.  Fading fast. 

My personality is awesome because . . . It's mine and it's funny.  He claims it's also light.  That's so ridiculous let's all agree to pretend he didn't say it.

Twerking is . . . A beautiful dance move and back stretch.  It's medicinal really.  Therapeutic even.

I think it's super gross when . . . There's mysterious brown crap on our son's hands when he reaches his hands toward my face to pat my face.  I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.  Gag. Me.
Why that kid would willingly agree to put his hands over his head is beyond me.  You're being set up, kid.  Tickle torture ahead.
Someone needs to tell Miley Cyrus . . . You're a young girl and you should qwerk in private. With Billy Ray.  Is it called qwerking?   Medicated Italian Stallion in the house.




Linking up with Holly and Jake!
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6 comments:

Royal @ Royal Proclaims said...

hahahaha, nice!
I think you've started a trend here, medicate him each time a new Finish The Sentence comes along. It's really the only acceptable way now!

Holly said...

I love how you did this linkup-- original and funny! And I hope you got some traffic today too! :)

VITA Train for Life said...

SO funny! I love all the talk about twerking...b/c really, who can get enough of that? I also love the picture of the two of them with the beer. Excellent parenting!!

SouthMainMuse said...

First off I had TOTALLY forgotten Sigmund the Sea monster. I'm going to have to google him to fill in the blanks. And a joke about the whole Miley mess that made me smile and not want to throw up and the pathetic nature of it all.

M said...

OMG this was hilarious. I am tempted to drug my husband just to see what he comes up with.

Lindsey said...

I will for sure have to have Dan fill out a linkup, I am sure his answers would be magical as well!

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