Things everyone supposedly likes that I can’t stand

I don’t drink coffee or tea. I have wished many times that I did. For example, when I found out coffee is like zero calories. I’m in favor of pretty much any zero calorie product. Then, I found out tea has more caffeine than coffee or soda. I enjoy me some caffeine. Especially if I’m at my desk at 6 am. Unfortunately, coffee and tea both make me semi-nauseous. I’ve been talked into trying coffee flavored ice cream several times under the guise of “you can barely taste the coffee.” I always taste it. Which makes perfect sense because the makers of the ice cream wanted me to. That’s why they call it coffee flavored. My loathing for coffee has waned over the years though as a direct result of sitting near the break room at work. Quite frankly, the smell of coffee pales in comparison to the smell of burnt popcorn. I have to actually restrain myself from launching a witch hunt to locate burnt popcorn culprits in the office. Tea is the one that really gets me though. A Burger King once accidentally gave me iced tea instead of a Coke. Not noticing anything, I took a big swig. I had to stop the car right there in the parking lot, open my car door and spit it out. I’m not even a “spit out your car door” kind of girl. I just can't handle tea. It’s the leafy taste that gets me. No amount of milk or fruity flavor slips it past me. It feels like I'm drinking water that had leaves soaking in it. Oh, wait. I am. I also don’t like jams or jellies of any kind. Please don’t tell me about that one kind you found on vacation in some little bed and breakfast that’s so great and then send me some because I just have to try it. I had a friend do that and felt nothing but guilty when it tasted like every other jam or jelly I’ve ever tried. And I don’t like cheesecake. Or beer. Or pie. This is the part where my brother asks what kind of pie we're talking about. No, see, I don’t like any kind of pie. Except chocolate cream. But only sometimes and only if it’s heavy on the white creamy part and light on the chocolate and, really, I’d only want a bite or two even then. While you’d think my anti-pie stance might help me maintain my girlish figure, it’s actually been remarkably easy to make up for the lack of pie related calories in my diet.

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