In my head, it's Friday and my kid is 18 months old

Ever had one of those weekends where you get to the end of the weekend and you can’t believe you’re expected to go to work tomorrow because what the hell you’re tired. Because, dude, you just spent your whole weekend cleaning your pig sty of a house and your two small kids kept bickering over the same book and the same spatula and the same duck and the same piece of cookie and where did all the candy wrappers come from on the living room floor because you thought you put the child proof lock on the cabinet with the candy and, no, you didn’t throw away your husband’s electric toothbrush in a Peter Walsh induced de-cluttering fit. Your 18 month old hid it in the bottom of a hamper. So there. And so what if that kid’s turned two and you’re still calling him your 18 month old. You’re his mother. You like calling him 18 months old. That might be weird when he’s 6 but the kid’s only 2. It’s perfectly normal to take a while to make these transitions in your head. So deal with it. Because I had one of those weekends is what I’m trying to say.

I cleaned the kitchen Saturday. This included de-cluttering drawers, large amounts of Lysol wipes, and a mop. I know. Even I can’t believe I mopped. I hate mopping. My back hurts just thinking about it. But I did. And it looks awesome. And my husband better not crap up the counter with any coffee drippings and bagel crumbs or I might just feel obligated to behead him or something. I mean, I love him, but the kitchen looks stellar and crapping it up would be wrong.

Sunday I got up and did the whole thing over again in the bathroom. Toilet, tub, floor. I even wiped the baseboards. I rule.

Of course, now I can’t figure out why I have to be at work. Because, I’m worn out and that means it must be Friday. Except it’s not. It’s Monday. And I didn’t get our Christmas decorations down either. Which was my #1 goal for the weekend which is apparently now going to be my #1 goal for next weekend. If I cared, I might be concerned about the newest 4 year old plugging in the lights all week to showcase for the neighborhood what slackers we are. Luckily, I don't

Besides it’s only the second week of January. I’ve got a good two or three weeks before that becomes genuinely embarrassing.


Childlife said...

Well that was impressive - good work! I'm trying to de-clutter around here too. Started with the kids rooms thinking that we would then be able to put the Christmas toys away. Right. Instead I got a bedtime tantrum when our five-year-old noticed a stuffed duck from the bottom of her stuffed toy hammock that she hasn't played with since she was two was missing.

If it makes you feel any better, we still call our 21-month-old our 18-month-old (just has a better ring to it somehow) and our Christmas lights are still up too. Hope the real Friday comes fast for you!

Ree said...

Glad to know someone else gets accused of throwing things away during cleaning fits. ;-)

Chaotic Joy said...

Hee hee hee. This was hysterical. Oh how I love it when you rant. :)

Today I got up and thought, well I could at least take the wreath off the door so the neighbors don't know I have made no progress on the de-Christmastizing thing.

And you mopped! That's phenomenal. Truly. My floors have been gross for ever. And I keep thinking, oh went I get these decorations up. Or now down...yada, yada, yada.

I hope your week is kinder than you weekend, but at least you kicked butt in the productivity department.

Christy said...

I cleaned my office (which was nothing more than a room full of boxes still) instead of taking down the Christmas stuff. It is still too early, isn't it?

Leigh said...

I am tired just reading your post! I hope you have a better week than you did weekend.

a happier girl said...

childlife - I know right. I'm familiar with the tantrum issue. It's a tricky one. Luckily, Cinderella is still enchanting enough to distract my new 4 year old. And I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks 18 month old sounds better!

ree - I often get accused of moving valuable objects. Especially car keys. My favorite was the time I hung my husband's car keys up on the key hook only to be accused of losing them. Men.

joy - I totally thought the same thing about getting the wreath off the door! It just seemed so noticeable. Whereas the lights on the bushes weren't.

christy - A girl needs an unpacked office way more than packed away Christmas decorations. I agree it's too early anyway!

leigh - Thanks! I hope so too!

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