Hand sewn and crappy are not mututally exclusive

Reality television is getting good right now. I mean, there’s no Rock of Love to turn my brain to complete mush but I’m muddling through with Project Runway, Big Brother and America’s Next Top Model. Survivor and Amazing Race are on my radar for later this month, too. I’m also kind of looking forward to that new game show they’ve been showing previews for where they give you a minute to run in your house and find something specific. I just looked it up and it’s called Opportunity Knocks. Mostly they’ve suckered me in by showing that 12 year old boy running in the house looking for his sister’s diary. That’s cute. No way my brother could have found mine. I’m not even sure he would have known what it looked like.

Truth be told, these game show previews mislead me. For example, I watched a preview of that Wipeout! game show that made me curious enough to program it into my DVR only to then discover that it sucks. I think what amuses me about Opportunity Knocks is trying to picture my husband running around the house looking for my stuff. I’d love to see where he thinks I keep nail polish or old Valentine’s Day cards. Of course, we'd lose big time. I mean, I love him but dude’s dead weight if winning depends on him finding crap in our house. He’d come running out the front door demanding that our 4 year old tell us where she moved stuff. But enough already. On to more important things:

America’s Next Top Model: Seriously, did anyone else watch last week’s season premiere? What was all that space age/robotic crap? I was embarrassed for Tyra. Both because she was badly acting out the crap and because she’s the executive producer that green lighted the crappy idea. My early predication is Elina. Although Elina is going to need to get a political platform type cause or something or she’ll be gone. Because I’m convinced Tyra has gotten all carried away with herself and thinks she needs to make profound statements in her Top Model choices. Exhibit A being Whitney winning last cycle. Chick only won so people would stop saying a plus size girl could never win. No way anyone honestly thinks she has a brighter future in modeling than Anya. Anya who won nearly every challenge and every photographer and designer loved. Exhibit B is Isis. Not that Isis doesn’t photograph nicely. Because she does. And she seems very nice and all that. But, let’s keep it real. Top Model? Really? Whatever. As long as she doesn’t win. No way she should beat Elina or that Lauren girl.

Project Runway: I actually liked a lot of Terri’s designs so I’m kind of bummed she got eliminated. Too bad her people skills are lacking. For example, her inability to even be polite to what’s his face who I now find so annoying I’m mentally blocking him from my memory (Keith). My favorite was when he wanted to make it about him because he recently got eliminated and that’s still hard for him to deal with. Um. Build a bridge for the day, dude. And how annoying is Kinley getting? I know she’s cute and sweet 72% of the time but that other 28% is a bit much to handle. For example, attempting to tell the judges she doesn’t look at other designer’s collections. Just shut up already. Let other people have an opinion that’s different than yours. Whatever. I’m officially rooting for Korto. Or Leanne. No, definitely Korto. I like how her designs manage to be simple but elegant. I admire understated. Although Leanne has made some seriously lovely stuff. Although she did make that one funky dress with all the circle things. And I give Joe permission to come in third because he doesn't talk about himself in the third person. You know who I wasn’t sad to see go? Blayne. How did he last long enough to darken my television with that horrific full body leotard with bunched up crap attached. The fact that they hand sewed all that crap in no way makes up for the fact that it is crap. Ugly crap. And I’m assuming Stella’s contribution to the project was the maze of leather belts around her. How did he last so long? Seriously. No, really. Seriously. And why does he always have to wear a hoodie partially over his head for interviews?

Big Brother: Dan needs to win. I’m not just saying that because Memphis calls himself a Mixologist in order to make being a bartender sound more exciting. The first time my husband walked by and saw “Mixologist” under his name he couldn’t figure out what he did for a living. I think he started out wondering if he read the word wrong or if it was some obscure field of science he just hadn’t heard of. But back to my point about how Dan is doing all the heavy lifting pulling strings and making stuff happen. Like how he orchestrated Memphis getting the POV so he could get rid of Keesha without getting his hands dirty. And not telling the others in the house about him getting to take Michelle to the island. Nice one. Of course, that could only work if you are currently locked in a house with idiots too stupid to realize that going to a private island by yourself would make for crappy television so why would the producers do that. Luckily, Dan is surrounded by Twinkie heads so it wasn’t a problem. If Dan doesn’t win, it’s total sour grapes voting like when Boston Rob didn’t win Survivor because people were bitter. Give it to Dan or you’re a bitter loser. He played you all. Even his buddy Memphis.