Fifty bucks says he has to call me at least 4 times to help him find stuff around the house

I mentioned several months ago that I like to dodge work related travel because I don't like to leave my kids. I'm pretty sure I should have knocked on wood because, lo and behold, my employer informed me recently that I won't be avoiding a certain 2 week training course anymore. Then my employer scheduled me to hit the road next week. Facing two weeks alone with the children, my husband actually sounded mildly depressed when telling me how much he's going to miss me. If absence really does make the heart grow fonder, I expect that man to have my face tattooed on his forehead and a shrine erected in my honor by the time I get back.

My strategy for mentally preparing to leave my babies for two weeks has primarily been to never think about it. Thinking about = mother guilt, premature separation anxiety and general fretting. Not thinking about it = way better.

And not thinking about it actually hasn't been that hard because work has been really hectic. So hectic I've actually caught myself fretting about the train I have powering along at work getting derailed if I'm not there to oversee its every little chug, chug, chug. I know. That makes me type A in the worst way. Tell me about it. Maybe sometime I'll tell you about how when other people are in charge of something and won't listen to my better ideas it makes me want to bang my head on the table and fling daggers at their forehead. Or something like that. Eh.

Several people have asked me who's going to take care of my kids while I'm gone. I guess they think my husband got sucked into outer space. I'm all, Duh. Then I'm all, Man, are my kids going to be late for everything and completely mismatched for the next two weeks. In hopes of avoiding any major mishaps, I briefed the newest Kindergartner tonight on the calendar of events for the next two weeks including important things like, "Tell Daddy to wash your hair that night because they're taking spring pictures the next day at school."

While work related training is still considered work in the sense that you get paid to sit on your butt while you're there, the truth is it's practically a two week vacation at a spa for me. Nice hotel. No cooking or cleaning. No screaming children or annoying dogs to wake you up. Yup. Vacation. I plan to take hot bubble baths, paint my toe nails, and generally goof off every night. I hear there are outlet malls in the vicinity of the training center too. Me and my credit card plan to find out. Holla.

Besides missing the sight of my babies' faces, I will also be in serious DVR withdrawal. For example, what if I don't get back from dinner Monday night in time to catch all of The Bachelor finale. And what the hell am I supposed to do during commercial if I can't fast forward? I can't very well channel surf. What if I miss crazy Deanna finally coming back to jack around with Jason's emotions? Also, what if I miss the big excitement on the After the Rose show? Speaking of which, what's that about? Seriously, what could possibly be such a big deal they can't have a live audience?

One of my friends is convinced it's because he picks Deanna. Dude's a twit but tell me he's not that big a twit. Right? Maybe? Someone else thinks he's going to propose to Melissa and then change his mind and switch to Molly during the After the Rose show. I think that would actually be worse than the dude that decided not to pick either girl. Because, really, couldn't we all sort of understand that guy deciding that maybe just maybe a stupid reality dating show didn't produce a girl he really wanted to be with after a mere six weeks? But just swapping girls is lame. How much could you really love either of them if you can do that?

I know. You can't believe I care this much about such a stupid show. Join the club. I'm the president.

Anyway, I'm going DVR-less for two weeks is my point. Hopefully not internet-less though. Because I have my new best friend, Blackberry, and I hear I'll have access to some crazy thing called "a computer lab." I know! It'll be like reliving my freshman year of college! Well, as long as there are creepy guys in there staying up all night playing online Dungeons and Dragons style role playing games. Because, nothing says college to me like the dude that skips his calculus final because he got ambushed by a band of orcs and he had to raise 500 gold to get his poisoned wizard healed.

But just in case my internet access isn't great, I decided to be a total lemming and join Twitter. I even added it to my sidebar under the Flickr pictures. Now I can't wait to get started flushing extra time down the toilet everyday! Yeah! Mid meeting twittering here I come!


notevenatshirt vb said...

Woot woot for twitter! I held off for so long and now I can't seem to make it through breakfast without picking up my phone to share the thought "doesn't a good bowl of oatmeal seem to make everything better?" Welcome to the twitterverse!

Ree said...

I'll tweet with you anytime.

no way said...

I also practice the avoidance technique when something I'm nervous about/not looking forward to is going to happen. It works, I agree.

Have fun, enjoy your trip!

auntie said...

yay for twitter! it's one of the most fabulous time-suckage devices known to man.

Anne said...

Avoidance is best. He will be fine and think of how much appreciation you will receive once you return.

remember moments said...

Found your blog via Blogher...hope your training goes/went well and your home with the kiddos as soon as you can be.

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