Allow me to "clarify"

Normally, when I've failed to blog for weeks on end it is an email or phone call from my BFF juliebear that reminds me that inquiring minds want to know if I'm still breathing. Imagine my surprise this time when it was an email from a blog reader. And one I don't even know in real life. That's like nice squared.

Carosgram just wanted to let me know she was thinking of me and hoping everything was okay. She also mentioned that she missed reading my writing and that's what made me decide to have her likeness tattooed on my puny left bicep to show to people who think blogging is an odd hobby. And she doesn't even have a link I can share. No blog of her own to send you to. She's just anonymously sweet. Which makes her email just that much nicer. It also means that the tattoo likeness will be insufficient thanks and that I'm going to need to cosign to refinance her mortgage or something. It also kinda sorta makes me want to be a better blogger. Which is all kinds of movie of the week but whatever. It was really nice of her to think of me. And who hasn't had a blog they read sit dormant for weeks and you start wonder what's the haps. I know I have. So, yeah, for people that take the time to email instead of lazy chickens like me that just wonder!

I'd like to report that I've been busy doing exciting things while I was neglecting my blog and it's thoughtful readers. Except then I'd have to lie and make some crap up because truth be told it's mostly been work and laundry. Because the downside of your employer sending you to two weeks of training is that your employer typically doesn't find someone to do your job while you're gone. They just let your work stack up until you get back instead. Super!

The control freak inside my head thinks that's okay because then it won't get done wrong but the realist in my soul thinks at least it would be done instead of people emailing me repeatedly asking me when it will be done and why it's not done already and then maybe copying in everyone under the sun asking what the hold up is while pretending they didn't talk to you the day before and had the entire situation explained to them in detail. Not that I've experienced that or anything. Definitely not. But I'm sure it's very annoying. And I'm sure it would require a phone call to that person to give them the what for and put them in their place. You know to "clarify" things.

"Clarify" is business code for "what the hell are you talking about?" Because "I haven't heard from her in 10 days" makes me wonder who the hell I spoke to on the phone twice this week. And copying in my chain of command to try to make me look bad makes me think you've mistaken me for a doormat and that I better "clarify" with you who you are dealing with. It also makes me think everyone's chain of command needs to be copied in when I put you on friendly, professional blast in my reply. Not that I'm the sort to put someone on friendly, professional blast. I'm just saying, if I was going to put someone on blast in email, it would definitely be friendly and professional. Ah, the joy of passive aggressive office politics! For my next office lingo lesson I will be explaining the many uses for the word "prioritize" and how every single one of them will make you want to stab someone in the face. Good times!


Stephanie N. said...

I recently told a friend who is in the same line of work as me to "try not to punch anyone in the face" as she deals with some expected tribulations over the next few weeks. I hadn't thought of stabbing, though. A bit too graphic for my imagination, I guess.

I thoroughly enjoyed your witty return to the interwebs, as always.

carosgram said...

Great post! My motto at work was always put it in writing and send a copy to myself. I like to have proof of what I said and did. It sure paid off many times. Good luck dealing with the jerk.

Kris said...

Ok - so yeah - I've been wondering where you were and what was up but too lazy to email or comment. Glad carosgram took care of that for the rest of us. Did you read any good books while away? Can we have a meeting of the imaginary book club that I'm an imaginary member of? Also, thanks for the reminder that I so need to do laundry today. Lots and lots of laundry. You'd think getting woken at 6am by my five year old son screaming about how he needed more shorts would have stuck with me. Not-so-much. Once the day started I totally and completely forgot about it.

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