Things that have been happening while I was neglecting my blog

The newest Kindergartner has now graduated from Kindergarten. Technically it happened two months ago. I kept intending to write about it but never seemed to get up the courage. I enjoy avoiding things I know will make me cry. And that one's a no brainer. There were caps and gowns, speeches about how quickly childhood flies by and even a video that included sappy music and pictures from throughout the year. Nothing like sappy music to help break you down completely in case you weren't already making your way through the six Kleenexes you shoved in your purse just in case.

During the program, the newest Kindergartner even recited a poem and read from a book. She and another boy were the only ones picked to read. Can you say, beaming with pride? Can you say, idiot in the crowd waving wildly at her? She was poised and perfect and I'm happy to report that I successfully held myself together throughout. By "held myself together" I mostly mean I didn't fall to the floor in a puddle. In bed later that night, there was significantly less holding it together. Monumental night. So many tears cried. Such a lovely girl. We felt lucky to be the idiots in the crowd waving wildly at her. And we still do. Feel lucky and wave wildly. And I've decided that's all I have to say about that.

And now that it's been said, I'm excited I don't have to avoid my blog anymore. It goes without saying my mother will be thrilled.

She will not, however, be thrilled that I'm going to move directly from talking about her granddaughter's momentous night to the man whore that is Jon Gosselin. Seriously. What the hell is that about? And it's not even that 22 year old girlfriend Hailey that killed me. Or the smoking. Or the earring. Or the second girlfriend. Or even all the fugly Ed Hardy he's wearing. No, the straw that broke this camel's back were the photos of him with all those Gucci shopping bags while he was in St. Tropez. Really? Does he have that much money now? Really?

Although some people player hated on the million dollar house, I kind of understood it. I mean, eight kids need space and space costs money and I bet tons of goofy fans were showing up on their doorstep at their old house. And at least a house is an investment. But, Gucci? W. T. H.

If those Gosselins have arrived at Gucci money, it's time to stop doing the show and make no mistake about it. We no longer sympathize that 8 kids are expensive and that'd we all probably sell a small sliver of their childhood to put food on the table and give them a college education. If you can afford Gucci, you can afford regular child care. And more child care. And maids. And cooks. And get the hell off my television already. I even deleted it from my DVR. Again. So there. Remember Kate yelling at Jon about checking out without using the Home Depot coupon. Sort of makes you think she was even more annoying than you originally though doesn't it? Feel, ya.

For anymore concerned that deleting Jon & Kate Plus Eight from my DVR will leave my DVR devoid of crappy reality, fear not. I replaced it with Toddler & Tiaras like any good crappy reality television fan. I'd say it's the most disturbing reality show I've ever seen but then I'd have to lie and tell you I've never seen 16 & Pregnant. But that's disturbing in a whole other way. Toddlers and Tiaras gives me a peek into a world it's unlikely I'll ever experience or understand. I periodically think the parents are insane and I routinely wonder what the allure of that world is. But every time I watch 16 & Pregnant I think it's the best birth control I've ever seen. 8 months pregnant at the prom is pretty sobering. So was the complete sob fest when the kids gave up the baby for adoption because they knew their life was crappy. Forget handing out condoms in health class. Just start showing episodes in homeroom starting in sixth grade. Holla.