No Can Defend

In the middle of my Saturday afternoon, I felt a short but swift little pang of angst that my weekend was almost over. But it was still Saturday. Afternoon. And I didn’t have to go back to work until Monday.

Such is the slightly dramatic ridiculousness that floats in and out of my brain.

I blame it on having a good weekend. A weekend that included a 4th grade volleyball game that wasn’t a massacre, decent weather for my 7 mile run instead of molten lava, grocery shopping as a group without killing anyone and some movie theater popcorn. Any weekend that includes popcorn covered in the motor oil thick movie theater butter is a good one.

My Italian Stallion picking out produce. 

We saw Monsters University. I came to work this morning and listened to everyone else in my meeting discussing White House Down and the new Superman movie. They looked over at me expectantly as if I had some adult movie to brief them on, too.

Right. I’m just happy to make it into the office without sticky fingerprints on my clothes. When my kids were really little, it was a daily occurrence that I’d discover some dried crap on my shirt in the middle of a meeting. Never in the car on the way to work. Never while I’m sitting alone at my desk minding my own beeswax. Dried crap on your shirt can only be discovered while sitting in a meeting. Preferably a really big important meeting.

I’m here to report there is no subtle way to scrape dried crap off your shoulder in the middle of a meeting. Own it. Learn to embrace that dried crap. I like to announce it to the room and crack jokes while I scrape.

On a bad day, I don’t discover the dried crap until I’m in the bathroom after the meeting and realize it was there the whole time I was running my yap in the meeting and that odds are no one even listened to what I was saying because they were too busy thinking about what a train wreck I am that I didn’t even realize I had dried crap all over my shirt.

That’s chapter 7 in the working moms guide to how to slide right down the corporate ladder. I rule.

Monsters University was good, by the way. Thumbs up from both kids. They liked it better than Epic but not quite as much as Rise of the Guardians. And they liked it better than Monsters, Inc. On the other hand, we also tried watching Karate Kid 2 with the kids recently and I’m here to tell you it didn’t have the magic of the first one. Highly recommend showing kids the first one. And by that, I mean the original old first one with the bad 80s clothing.

No can defend. A handy line every kid should master. 

Sometimes ninjas do The Crane, too.  Ninja mummies that is.  Random.