Crappy Reality Television: Teeth Brushing Doesn't Require Witnesses

I woke up yesterday with a hint of something going on in the back of my throat.  By the time I left work early, I was a walking petrie dish of cooties capable of making you feel craptastic and unable to think straight.

I have been laying in bed ever since telling my husband every hour on the hour that I don't feel well.  I've also been doing some online "I feel crappy depression" shopping and trying to convince myself 1 hot shower a day is enough and that the world's water supply cannot be wasted on one continuous 8 hour long hot shower to keep my head from being stuffy.

I've also propped my eyes open long enough to catch up on some crappy reality television.  Last night, we were happy Kenichi Eniba got through on America's Got Talent.  We liked his original try out performance better than this week's video game production.  But we still things he's amazing.

Teach them The Robot move early in life, people.  The children are our future.

We even voted for him Tuesday night.  We also wasted five minutes of our lives that we'll never get back voting for the B-Double O-T-Y guys last week and they got eliminated.  While voting we discussed how bad we'd freak out if Kenichi got eliminated, too, and whether or not that would be proof that we are in fact the kiss of death for any contestant and should start voting for acts we don't like instead.

B-Double O-T-Y.

We were bummed the Asian dance group didn't get through.  My husband is a manly man and even he marveled at how pretty their dances are.  The Chicago Boys are fun but I just don't think I could watch an hour of their act in Vegas.  Although my household does want to learn to jump rope on our knees and back.   

Over on Big Brother, how wacky is it that we're sort of losing track of what a train wreck racist Aaryn is because Amanda is busy turning into a whole other kind of overly paranoid psycho possessive girlfriend train wreck.

She was all up on Jessie about even considering voting her out last week.  She was all over Candice during the veto competition.  And then she's postal when McCrae doesn't immediately move to sit next to her when she asks him to.  I used to like her and thought she seemed bright and good at being direct without being a jerk about it.  Now I keep trying to figure out how McCrae can escape her without a bunny getting boiled. 

I'm pretty sure there's no good way to break up in the Big Brother house without leaving the other person wanting to vote you out.  Aaryn is making the comeback of the century by just acting moderately civil and letting Amanda lose her mind.

Over on the Real Housewives, the OC is losing me by showing too much Slade.  What's up Vicki invited them to her party.  That's some weird social ettiquette.  If your boyfriend calls me Miss Piggy or Tupperware face and thinks it's okay, you should not bring him to my house for a party.  Furthermore, if you don't tell him that's rude and to apologize to me, I don't think we need to be friends either so you can skip my party, too.

On the other hand, Vicki's son in law, Ryan, was either drinking too much or having some post traumatic stress from his time in Afghanistan because there could be no other explanation for spazzing out quite that much about someone putting their feet on a new couch.  Let's go worst case scenario and assume the couch in question is white.  You did invite guests into your house.  Sitting on your couch is not unreasonable.  Getting them to take their feet off it isn't hard to do.  Find an ottoman or push a coffee table or something over for her.   I used to like him.  I don't want to not like him.  But he was rude to her and overreacted. 

I've also really lost all interest in New Jersey Housewives now that the Guidices have been indicted and that's not being talked about on the show.  I don't know how to watch and care about anything she has to say when that's the white elephant in the room.

Even seeing her McMansion and the expensive clothes her kids are wearing is annoying.  It's not fascinating or confusing.  Just annoying.  So are Instagram photos of her and her family in the Hamptons enjoying life like everything is totally normal.   I don't care if she and her sister in law ever get along again.  That show needs to move on without her.  All their baggage is just too heavy to deal with on a show that's supposed to be stupid and fun.  Scrap the Gorgas, too, to eliminate even the possibility that we have to hear about the Guidices anymore.

There have got to be other interesting women in New Jersey.  I'm not referring to Caroline.  I don't care about Caroline or any of her kids and the hundred and one money making schemes they have going and try to shove down our throat (unappetizing black water being the worst).  Caroline's husband is interesting.  Too bad he's not on the show more.  Kathy's husband, Rich, is also entertaining.  So is their son.  Send the cameras to follow those 2.  I swear I'd watch.

Finally, Interior Therapy with Jeff Lewis visited a couple this week who are obsessed with their kid and it's the show I subjected my husband to an extended discussion about.  At dinner with Jeff, the couple was all about the kid, kid, kid, kid no matter how clear it was Jeff wanted to move on to other topics.  Then after dinner, the kid wants Jeff to watch him brush his teeth and throws a fit crying when Jeff isn't interested.  Jeff just met the kid.  It's not like they're old buddies or something.  And he's working.  He's getting paid to be there working on your house.  He's not actually required to pretend to be your friend.  So I'm kind of with Jeff saying he's good without watching the kid brush his teeth.

But then the mom keeps pushing it!  More than once! Essentially trying to guilt Jeff into getting up off the couch to traipse into the bathroom to watch.  Awkward.

Most people would have awkwardly caved in and watched.  Jeff didn't.  I was giving him kudos for being strong in the face of such lame-o guilt.  I think I'd have tried suggesting the kid stand there in the living room brushing and I'd watch from the couch.  Let's just say, in our house, we're experts at supervising teeth brushing from our bed.  Travel to the bathroom is only required by the person doing the spitting.   

But, the kicker was the next day when it comes out over lunch that mom and dad were both kind of annoyed with Jeff for not giving in to the kid and watching the tooth brushing.  Really?  Really!?  These people are in left field.

I'm amazed that 2 grown adults that appear to be reasonably intelligent were actually annoyed with him about that.  He's doing you a favor coming into your house and redoing it for you.  How about just acting appreciative of his time?!  Not everyone is riveted by watching your three year old brush his teeth.  I'm not even riveted watching either of my kids brush their teeth.  What makes you think your kid's teeth are so much more interesting? 

I'll give you I've got two kids and that you can't eat dinner in my house without seeing their crazy mugs wandering through the room and maybe your lap.  Don't eat in my house if you hate kids existing in your vicinity.  But I am capable of making adult conversation and I'm also capable of telling my kids not to interrupt during it.

My husband being accosted by our 7 year old in the pool. Price of doing business. But visiting is free.

I also don't shove my kids down your throat.  If my kid is harassing you about something, I will happily suggest they find someone else to harass.  For example, their father.  There are few things more fun than routing your kids to your unsuspecting spouse.    Except maybe taking credit for it later!  What the hell, crazy Interior Therapy couple?

Quality Bravo programming continues on Interior Therapy.  And so little of it has anything to do with interior design!