Portrait of a 10 Mile Run

Headphones plugged in.  Shoes laced up.  Fugly visor on.  Check.

20% chance of rain and 70 degrees. Oh, well.  I'm not made of sugar.  Gotta do 10 miles.  At least I'm getting out the door earlier than usual.

I am strong enough.  I can do this.

My calves feel tight.  I need to stretch.  Hold off until the first water stop.  It takes at least a mile to settle in and get my breathing okay.  Why does it always take a mile?  Does everyone need a mile?  I wonder if that's normal.

The shade sure is nice.  And the leaves on the wet ground just scream fall.  And it is.  That's so nice.  I love fall.  Has it been a mile yet?  Surely it's been a mile.

I am strong enough.  I can do this.  

I love water fountains!  How do people carry water when they run?  Doesn't it slosh?  I could not handle sloshing for 10 miles.  My cell phone is sort of bouncing in the side pocket of my compression pants.  That's annoying.  I thought that wouldn't happen in these pants since they're tighter than my other ones.  How am I supposed to take hot mess photos of myself at the water fountain if I can't carry my phone with me?

Before.  Looking like a relatively normal human being.

I can't believe I forgot my sweatband.  I am a sweaty beast.   Sweaty beasts should never leave the house without a sweatband.  I can successfully work up a sweat in 40 degree weather.  Of course I need a sweatband in 70 degree humidity.  Sweat keeps sliding down behind my sunglasses and every time I try to slip a finger behind the glasses to wipe it away I get a smudge on the lens or a manage to steam them up.  Total first world problem.

I am strong enough. I can do this.

The top of my foot hurts.  Maybe my shoelaces are too tight.  Maybe I need to loosen them.  Should I loosen them?  I'm only at 2.5 miles.  I'm going to stop in another mile to eat something.  I could do it then.  Should I do it then?  No, wait.  That's where the Italian Stallion accidentally hit it with his elbow horsing around the other day.  Super.  Must be a bruise.  What a monumentally annoying place for a bruise.

I seriously want to stop.  I could just stop and walk for a minute.  Or maybe today's not a good day and I could just do my long run tomorrow instead.  STOP!  YOUR BRAIN IS TOYING WITH YOU! DO NOT FALL FOR IT!  Think about something else!  Immediately! If all else fails, make a to do list and try to memorize it.  Then figure out when and how you'll get it all done.  Your brain will lose interest by the time you get through the grocery list.

I am strong enough.  I can do this.
 
Eating and running do not go together.  I think I almost choked trying to swallow and breathe at the same time.  Should I eat another chewy or is 2 enough?  Now I have crap in my teeth.  I'm ready for the water fountain.

Should I go to the bathroom when I stop?  Do I need to go?  I'm at mile 3.5.  I won't be back by a bathroom until mile 6 at the earliest.  Maybe I should try to go just in case.  I sound like I'm talking to the kids. 

I am strong enough.  I can do this. 

I hate public restrooms.   I wonder if I'm a germaphobe?  No, public rooms are disgusting.  That just makes me a disgusting-aphobe.  It's better not to think about that restroom too much.

Hot mess express mid run in the disgusting public restroom.

I am strong enough.  I can do this. 

Is my stomach upset?  Or do I need to go to the bathroom?  Please don't tell me I need to go to the bathroom.  I'm at mile 5.5 and nowhere near a bathroom.  Please don't let me be the animal that can't wait.  Please.

This song sucks.  What possessed me to put Adele on my iPod shuffle to run with?  Every time she takes a dramatic pause I can hear my own heavy breathing.  That's annoying.  I hate hearing myself panting.  Skip.  Nelly.  Huh.  No.  Skip.  Shine Bright Like a Diamond.  It'll do.

I am strong enough.  I can do this.

Maybe I could just do 9 miles today instead of 10.  I could just do the 10 next weekend instead.  STOP!  MORE MIND GAMES!  IGNORE YOUR INNER LAZY GIRL! Think about something else.  Like why that guy feels the need to let his dog roam that far across the sidewalk and nearly trip me with the leash not to mention the sniffing dog snout next to my leg.  If I trip and fall I will seriously go ballistic on him and his little dog, too.

I need to remember to finish filling out that paperwork at work on Monday.  I've got the first part all done but I need to fill out the other part.  It's due Friday with all the signatures on it.  I'll finish it Tuesday.  Tuesday morning.  Wait, I have a meeting on Tuesday morning.  And another Tuesday afternoon.  Wednesday.  For sure Wednesday.  

I am strong enough.  I can do this.  

Hills blow.  Pant. Pant. Pant.  They really.  Pant.  Blow.  Pant.  Made the mistake of looking up.  Why did I do that?  The top is still so far away! Don't think about it!   Head down.  No more looking up.  Small steps.  One. At. A. Time.  How. Can. It. Possibly.  Be. Much.  Further.  Kill.  Me. Now.

I am strong enough.  I can do this.

At least it's flat again.  7 miles down.  That means 3 left.  Sweet!  That's nothing!  I can do 3 miles in my sleep.

I am strong enough.  I can do this.

This is the longest 3 miles of my life.  Where is the water fountain?  I have sweat everywhere.  I can no longer find dry parts of my shirt to wipe my sunglasses on. I am a disgusting mess.  I'm also panting.  A panting disgusting mess. 

That guy has passed me like three times now.  And every time I'm mid frantic exhale and he's just hauling butt like it's nothing.  How do people do that?  When do I get to do that?  I've been running for a year and I'm still a hot mess express.  A panting disgusting hot mess express.

I am strong enough.  I can do this.

My knee kinda hurts.  Not full on pain.  But a little tweak kind of pain.  Great.  And it's nothing next to the foot bruise that has only gotten progressively more uncomfortable over the last 8 miles.  I'm going to give that Italian Stallion a piece of my mind when I get home. 

Why is there dog poop on the sidewalk?  That's just wrong.  Was that person raised in a barn? Let's say you ran out of bags.  Couldn't they find a stick to shove it into the grass at least?  What is wrong with this country?

I am strong enough.  I can do this. 

Only 1.3 miles left.  Thank you sweet baby Jesus.  Let's steer this ship toward home.  Running towards home is the best!  There's ice water and food waiting for me at home.  Lots and lots of food!  Because I'm burning a bazillion calories and can inhale anything I want and not feel guilty.  I love long run days!

I am strong enough.  I can do this.

Where is the breeze?  How can there be no breeze?  I'm running in a humid sauna with no breeze.  This is insane. But at least it's not 100 degrees.  If I can run in 100 degrees, I should just shut the hell up and run. 

What is that dumb female doing?  She appears to be jogging in the world's largest sun visor and Keds.   That's cray.  Her friend appears to be wearing a rainbow colored welding mask.  Interesting.  Now she's alternating running and walking.  In the Keds.  Been there, girl.  Not in the Keds obviously because that's just an injury waiting to happen.  But I feel you, crazy female.  If she runs fast enough, maybe the world's largest sun visor will just launch her into flight like The Flying Nun or something. 

I am strong enough.   I can do this.

Am I there yet?  How can the last half mile take this long.  This is the longest half mile of my life.  

Do I need new shoes?  When did I buy these shoes? I'm going to need a new pair at some point before I reach the outer circle of marathon hell.  I should order the same kind I have.  These are comfy.  I wonder if they come in any other colors?

Surely that was a half mile!  I just contemplated new shoes.   For several minutes.  I'm sure of it.  I should already be done.  I am seriously out of things to distract myself with.  I am losing my mind.

9.88

Sprint to the end.  Give it everything!

9.94

Stared sprinting to the end too soon.  Gas tank is feeling a little empty.  Calm down.  

9.99

10

I really am strong enough.  I did this.