Stupid Things the Clampetts have done

1. Walked our dogs around the block dragging a long trail of poop bags behind us. Why roll them back up? Why not just enjoy the sight of them fluttering gently in the wind?  At least we are good doggie owners scooping some poop. And by “we” I mean my husband. Because if it were up to me, the dogs would walk themselves around the block. Seriously.

2. Let our kids drive an electric wheelchair we found in the parking lot back into the grocery store. My husband thought this was hysterical to watch. I thought it was hysterical the next time he tried letting them do it and the battery on the wheelchair died right in the middle of the street in front of the entrance and he had to physically push it out of traffic.  One of the great tragedies in my life is that my iPhone was at home that day and I wasn’t able to capture that moment for posterity.

3. Left the house for dinner in a public restaurant with a 10 year old wearing wings claiming she’s a fairy.

Anything you photograph in our house is fair game for rabbit ears.  2 liters of Dr. Pepper are no exception.

4. Gave me a 2 Liter of Dr. Pepper as an actual Christmas gift. I try really hard to not drink soda anymore but when I do it's a treat.  And my children always feel the need to get us up at the crack of dawn on Christmas and I'd actually thought to myself while dragging myself out of bed that a Dr. Pepper would hit the spot.  So it may have been a low rent present but it was a good and appreciated low rent present.


I can't tell if they're open.  Maybe we should drive up to the door and read the hours.

5. Had the nerve to leave the house on Christmas afternoon to attempt to buy an extra nunchuck for our Wii. We started out headed to Walmart and then did a little loop just in case we might get lucky and find somewhere open.  My brother actually told me to check Best Buy. Seriously. Which is goofier his idea or me driving the car there?  It's hard to decide.  And, in case anyone is wondering, no, Walgreens does not sell nunchucks.  I know this because they were actually open on Christmas Day and we checked both their toy aisle and their electronics section.  Who knew Walgreens even has an electronics section. 



6. Decided on a cold night that pot pies would hit the spot.  Rather than tracking down a Boston Market where they not only make them but also sell them, we instead opted to wander the frozen food section at the grocery store and buy 9 single serve size ones.  Then we came home and shoved them all in the oven at once.  We are the Crazy People.  Kesha even wrote a song about us.  We ain't mad at her.

7. Practiced kung fu in the Home Depot.  He's spinning a nice solid metal pipe.  No chance of an emergency room trip coming out of that.  No, sir.

7. Hosted our own Turkey Trot 1K back in November.  The concept was to do it on Thanksgiving morming.  My husband was bitter after last year's Turkey Trot that we paid actual money to do but we didn't even get a water bottle at the end.   My husband's theory being water is a given and if you don't have it when we get to the finish line, you can shove your free banana and yogurt where the sun don't shine.  I tend to agree.   We decided to just hit the park by our house that morning for a low key extravaganza that would not require finding a parking spot or cursing about lack of water.  Then we mysteriously ended up doing it 2 days after Thanksgiving.  And then we decided we should definitely have our own bibs to wear.  And then we had no pins so we just duct taped the hell out of them to people's chests.  Classy and wacky.  Perfect. 

Everyone is smiling because we are not yet in the park with people staring at us. 

My son gave everyone a cool nickname on their bib, too.  And by cool, I mean my son decided everyone would be a dinosaur.  Except him.  He got to be King Kong.  Who knows.  People in the park stared at us a bit and my husband couldn't wait to go home.   All in all a successful Clampett outing. 

The Honey Wheat-asaurus.