She's also sucked down bowls of Cheerios before bed, pieces of chocolate, a Jimmy Johns sandwich, another Jimmy Johns sandwich, some BBQ chips, 1/2 a sleeve of Trefoil cookies and more Dr. Pepper than I care to remember. I’m pretty sure this is what falling off the wagon feels like. And I’m pretty sure it’s not good.
Not restricting my calories isn’t supposed to mean sucking down crap and forgetting about all my good eating habits. It also doesn’t mean I need to attempt to gain weight. Because in my brain, sucking down soda all day means you are attempting to gain weight. There can be no other explanation for sucking down that many calories that don’t make you feel full, don’t give you vitamins or energy and you’re just consuming it because you like the taste. I also tend to think the sugar entering your body feels pretty awesome. So there’s that, too. But still.
When I started on my health kick, the whole point of exercising was to burn calories. My husband told me a million times exercise would be good for me and help me have more energy. I didn’t care. I wanted to burn calories. So it feels really weird to still be exercising with a goal that doesn’t include burning calories or losing weight. Talk about wild. It’s going to be extra wild once my marathon training is finally over and I get to step on the scale to figure out exactly how many calories I’ll need to burn to try to clean up the fall out from all these trips to the Whataburger drive thru. Fall out primarily being my pants size. I’m currently wearing a size 8 comfortably. But my size 6 jeans have been MIA on my messy side of the closet. I may need to track them down and get a little reality check. Perhaps a reality check is what my inner fat girl needs to cease and desist with all the Dr. Pepper.
|I love that little trainwreck. But he's still a trainwreck.|
3. I have finally gotten my Downton Abbey on. I was a little behind on this season. Now I’m not. Good stuff. Thumbs up. I’m very confused that the guy randomly decides he wants to marry Mary and is prepared to wait 2 or 3 years for her to be ready to marry again. Didn’t that guy just roll in like a hot minute ago? Slow your roll, bro. And I’m currently very upset for poor Mr. Bates. My favorite was when he said he must have done something wrong in their relationship because she wasn’t capable of doing anything wrong. In my household, my husband would say that exact same thing. The difference being that my husband would be heavy on the sarcasm. I love that Mr. Bates says it and you know he genuinely means it.
|Clark Kent would like you to know, he didn't appreciate that little joke comparing him to Mr. Bates.|
5. My little Cub Scout did not win the Pinewood Derby. I knew we would not be winning when we arrived for weigh in the night before and my husband was busy assisting with the set up. I was now in charge of our car weigh in and we were all officially screwed as this dumb female right here brought the weigh in line to a complete stand still trying to figure out the what the target weight was even supposed to be let alone how I was going to fix it. My 8 year old and I then began a series of trips back and forth to the scale as we super glued pennies on the bottom. Randomly, naturally, because I know nothing about physics or how to strategically disperse weight. Then, just when I think we're done, I shut the line down a second time when they want to know if we've "graphited." I didn't even know "graphite" was a verb let alone what I'd be graphiting. Deer in the headlights. But we graphited the hell out of those wheels. The Cub Scout had fun so whatever. And next year, I'll be googling the hell out of it beforehand.
|Momma, when did graphite become a verb?|
7. Now that I've successfully registered that kid for volleyball, we can all get back to more important issues like how the hell we're going to hawk another 47 boxes of Girl Scout cookies. Or as professionals like us call them, 47 boxes of product. I seriously feel like I'm in a Breaking Bad episode everytime I say that. The other day I also described our neighborhood as "getting oversaturated" with too many girls hitting up every house. So now we're on the hunt for untapped markets. Because, the longer we cling to these cookies, the more oversaturated everywhere is getting. By the end of the month the urgency to part with these cookies is going to ramp up like an episode of 24. On the brightside, my household is doing it's part to inhale half a box per day. So there's that.