Even when no one is looking

Sometimes as you move through your days getting kids out the door with lunches in hand and signed permission slips, you’re just happy to have the boat afloat and headed in the right direction. There’s little time in those long days to reflect on the bigger picture of life and how your kids see you. You’re mostly just doing the best you can.

If I had the time to sit quietly and think, I might spend a moment or two wondering what my kids have learned growing up in our house. I’d wonder what they’ve learned about how difficult being a parent is, the stress of being a grown up paying a mortgage and the struggle to balance a career you’re proud of with a family that defines and centers you. I especially wonder how they see a marriage. Maybe I wonder that because I grew up with divorced parents and don't really have memories of what a marriage looks like.

But my children are old enough now to be forming impressions.  And they live with a married couple. A married couple that is far from perfect and regularly bickers about some seriously stupid stuff. We do periodically bicker about stuff that’s actually worth bickering about. But mostly, we just bicker about who does the dishes more often, whether or not I hid his favorite gray winter hat and why we have to fold laundry at 10pm instead of just going to bed.

The paparazzi decided it was important that my lunch bag and a random water bottle be included in this out of focus shot.

Recently my husband and I were goofing off in the kitchen. He’d come up behind me and hugged me. It probably started out as crazy person bear hugging because that’s a game he and I play. And he probably squeezed me too tight to “adjust” my back because that’s another game we play. But mostly I was just walking through and he hugged me.  I don't remember any particular reason for it or what either of us said.  I just remember he hugged me and I received the hug and enjoyed it.  Just a quiet moment.  No more, no less. 

And then we looked over and discovered the paparazzi had been watching us.

Naturally, grown adults that realize a camera is out will immediately spring into photo mode.

Naturally, grown adults that are complete lunatics will then move on to making weird faces at each other including sticking their tongues out as if licking each other is their standard greeting.

Why, yes, that is a giant hole in our kitchen ceiling?  Can you say, "Plumbing issue?"

And naturally once they've greeted each other appropriately, grown adults that are complete lunatics will go WWE and see if we can get someone injured by playfully shoving each other around.

I like that the paparazzi stepped up her game adding random fingers to block part of the shot, too.  Gives her work an air of authenticity few professional photographers ever achieve.

But then we're going to bring it in for a hug. Because there is love. On good days and bad. In sickness and in health. Til death do us part.

I don't know what made the crazy 10 year old paparazzi think there was anything photo worthy going on to make her pick up the phone to snap pictures.  But it kinda sort warmed my cold black heart later seeing them. 

Because I hope that's what my kids have learned living with us.  It’s not perfect. It’s sometimes ridiculous.  But there’s always love.  Even when we think no one is looking.