The dog is playing head games with me. And he’s winning.

The world’s most annoying dog got left out of his crate the other day when we left the house. Five hours alone with all our worldly possessions and he didn’t chew on anything. But an hour later I make a 3 minute bathroom pit stop and he shreds a pillow. He did it again yesterday. It's some kind of stupid mind game. Only Twister’s mind is the size of pea so why can’t I figure it out? Yes, I’m a good dog. No, I’m insane. Yes, I can be trusted. No, my soul is black and evil. At least it was an ugly pillow. Eventually, when we’re out of ugly pillows, I guess we can go buy cute pillows. And new chairs to coordinate with them. And then a new dining room to put them in. In the new house I secretly shop for on Realtor.com while I’m at work.

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