My mother had a heart attack last night. She's fine now. I guess. I mean she's still in the hospital but I guess it wasn't that bad. For example her account of the night's events did not include falling to the ground clutching her chest or anyone shouting "Clear" and putting paddles on her chest. So I'm thinking that sounds relatively mild.
I feel qualified to make that determination based on years of ER watching. I also feel qualified to tell you that someone totally messed up on my mom. Because they didn't intubate her. And if I've learned nothing else from watching ER, I've learned that you need to intubate the patient when they get to the emergency room. It's like a rule or something. And you don't want a rookie doctor to do it because he could accidentally cut your vocal cords while he's at it. See. I'm practically a doctor.
So my mother is resting comfortably and recovering well. I guess. If nothing else she's got a 24 inch flat screen television in her hospital room. I know. What's that about? My house doesn't have a 24 inch flat screen television. And I can assure you I didn't get one during either of my stays in the maternity ward. The cardiac ward appears to be the pimped out Cadillac wing. They're probably serving fresh baked cookies after dinner, too and handing out monogrammed bathrobes.
I'm totally demanding a flat screen television next time I'm in the hospital. Right after I demand that they intubate me. Because, quite frankly, if you're not intubated, I don't even know why you're there.