I returned home from work today to discover that the World's Most Annoying Dog had destroyed a backrest pillow. We only owned the pillow 4 months. It matched the limited decor in our living room. His choice of things to eat is remarkably unfortunate.
He did such a number on the backrest pillow that it's entirely beyond repair. My first instinct was to lock him out of the house and hope he ran away. Unfortunately I know from having accidentally locked him out once that he knows a good thing when he's got it. He just laid in the front yard the entire time waiting for me to realize my mistake. He happily trotted inside as soon as I opened the door.
I walked directly passed the shredded backrest and went to the bathroom. While utilizing the facilities I heard it rain coins in the dining room. As soon as I heard the first clink it came back to me that my husband had left a basket of coins on the table. He's attempting to roll $50 in coins because he woke up this morning and decided 24 hours in a day is just too much time on his hands. Next week he's building a moat around the house and some turrets for our imaginary archers. Then we're going to amass an army in our cedar closet and storm Mordor because we've got nothing but time, baby.
My husband had mentioned forgetting to put his little time killer away when I talked to him on the phone earlier. He said I should put it away as soon as I got home so it wouldn't get spilled. What he should have told me was that I'd need to engage in a foot race to the front door because our 18 month old is like a coin seeking missile and I'd only have 90 seconds to detonate the potential threat. It was impressive work. Wax on.
Since the damage was already done, I walked right passed that mess too. Left it there while I changed out of my work clothes, served dinner and threw everyone in the tub. I figure, why rush through the fun parts of your day. One should savor the quiet moments spent on your hands and knees communing with your carpet. Although I'm done communing. I'm ready to pay someone to take the coins now. I'll even throw in a free dog. Just please take the coins.