Santa needs to step up her game

Working after Christmas sucks. It feels like everyone in the whole wide world is at home except me. But I only recently got promoted so I'm sort of last in line to get time off during the holidays. Which means I get to work the super lame-o week after Christmas. Apparently, I’m not entirely useless after all.

My least favorite thing about working the day after Christmas is how empty the office is. Some people like that. Because some people are nuts. I enjoy a little office chatter way more than I enjoy the best parking spot in the entire lot. Even when I’m working I like to keep my ears perked up for interesting conversations in the vicinity. You never know when someone will have something wildly inappropriate to say. And if it’s wildly inappropriate, it needs to be emailed to a minimum of 5 of your nearest and dearest office buddies stat.

Christmas was fun. I had several days off before Christmas which was fun squared. Saturday morning the newest 4 year old sat on Santa's lap and asked for bubble gum and a princess dress. Sunday morning it dawned on Santa that you’re actually supposed to produce the requested items. You’d be amazed how easily Santa gets lost in these little details. Whatever. She's new on the job.

Santa promptly dragged her lazy butt over to Target only to discover that there had been a run on princess dresses while she wasn’t paying attention. Santa would rather fling herself head first into a wood chipper than enter Toys R Us 2 days before Christmas so she decided to hit 6 other Targets instead. 7 Targets in one day should get you a prize or something. Like maybe a photo on the wall next to the returns counter. At minimum, Santa should have at least been able to score the correct sized dress. Instead, she had to settle for one she figured the newest 4 year old would be able to cram herself into without ripping the seams.

Santa’s efforts were rewarded Christmas morning when it became apparent that the newest 4 year old firmly believed the princess dress would be there. After opening many presents that did not contain a princess dress I suggested that she didn’t get one. She explained to me that it must be in some other box. She even suggested that it was behind the Christmas tree where we couldn't see it. Because she asked Santa for it. And that meant Santa would bring it. Luckily, she did.

Santa's not perfect but she's learning. Next year, for example, we'll be visiting Santa earlier. To hell with saving fun stuff like that until right before Christmas. Santa needs lead time to locate stuff. And my kid's like a loose canon anyway. Three weeks ago she swore she was asking Santa for a plastic pony. Last week it was going to be a plastic zoo. Anything could pop out of her mouth when it's showtime on Santa's knee. Santa doesn't have a magic wand. Santa needs time. And free shipping from Amazon.

Next year Santa's also going to do more wrapping before Christmas Eve. Granted, Santa did a good job planning ahead to get the "some assembly required" kitchen set together ahead of time. But other items required paper and they weren't going to wrap themselves.

Santa's also going to attempt to designate some "Santa only" wrapping paper. You know, so Santa's paper isn't the same as Momma and Daddy's paper. Santa's husband actually had that revelation mid wrap job. Mid wrap job using assorted rolls of paper. Furthermore, the wrapping was occurring at the dining room table just down the hall from the newest 4 year old who had only gone to bed 5 minutes before and was most likely still awake.

Dude, this Santa stuff is complicated. Who knew. It's a good thing we've got another year to work on stepping up our game.


Ree said...

Here's a hint from someone who's been doing this way too long. In addition to the differences in wrapping paper? Make sure the gift tag is written in DIFFERENT handwriting. Or write it with your opposite hand. ;-)

You'll thank me when the newest 4 year old hits, oh, say, 7 or 8.

cupcake said...

Or you do what I do: you explain to the innocent little tyke that Santa is VERY BUSY, and you are so kind hearted and sympathetic that you told the Claus that you would wrap some of the gifts and tag them. Only SPECIAL MOMMIES get that gig, which ups your street cred.

Worked with my three screaming kids.

Childlife said...

Yeah, Santa's had a learning curve at our place too. Sounds like you pulled through pretty well though : )

teachergirl said...

Just go buy wrapping paper with Santas on it RIGHT NOW!!! And hide it. NOW. Don't worry with gift tags, as Santa only wraps Santa presents with Santa paper. Even now, for the 15 year old and the soon to be 12 year old. Stocking presents, too. Because Santa doesn't have enough to do.

a happier girl said...

ree - Dude, this Santa stuff is crazy. You're right. I would totally recognize my mother's handwriting. Although if I write with my opposite hand the newest 4 year old will be asking me why Santa looked like he had an epileptic seizure while he wrapped her presents.

cupcake - Love it. I'm in favor of anything that boosts my own stock.

childlife - We did ok. Luckily, the newest 4 year old was too busy looking for her princess dress to register any wrapping paper issues. Next year will be the real test.

teachergirl - That's so clever! And easy! I'm going to have to go through our wrapping paper and see if we have any Santas and put them aside.

Anonymous said...

Really? While they still believe, you can get away with anything. I was so convinced that my parents who punished me for lying Always.Told.The.Truth that I was thrilled, not skeptical, when my doll clothes were the exact same material as my big sister's old dress. Afterwards? They will know you lied your arse off for their pleasure. I don't think they hold it against us.

a happier girl said...

Oh my word that same material as your sister's dress is too priceless. I noticed wrapping paper one year. Maybe you're right and she'll believe as long as she wants to.

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