Yesterday was a difficult day. Work in general has been kind of difficult. Since getting moved to an entirely different division 2 weeks ago I find myself slightly bitter. Mostly because I got shipped to another division where I don’t know what I’m doing. At all. Pretty much every single person that works here knows way more than me. Because it's not hard to know more than someone that knows nothing. And sitting in meetings feeling clueless sucks. In my last position, I was considered an expert. Talk about a fall from glory. What the hell.
I placed a teary eyed phone call to my husband during lunch yesterday like any good professional girl. You know. Because professional girls don't cry in meetings. They wait until they get to the bathroom. And then they take the last stall so no one can hear their sniffles. Although, honestly, I rarely cry about work related issues. Because that would require caring. I'm just too laid back for that. Yesterday's work related crying was pretty new to me. It left me feeling particularly delicate so I headed to my car. And an ice cream cone from McDonald's.
My husband being level headed and significantly more sane than me yesterday calmly listened to my incoherent blubbering. Then he talked me down from the ledge by calmly reminding me that I was sought out for this position because they think I have the ability to do it and that I'll be an asset. He also mentioned he thinks I can do anything and blah blah love you blah. But I still feel lost. And useless.
I ask lots of questions. And I listen and take notes. But I’m still in left field. And everyone else has been here for years. So I'll always be the least knowledgeable. Not that it’s a competition. Because I know it’s not. But it bugs me. It's bad enough I don't get to be popular anymore. But useless is just so unacceptable.