12.07.2007

Useless is unacceptable

Yesterday was a difficult day. Work in general has been kind of difficult. Since getting moved to an entirely different division 2 weeks ago I find myself slightly bitter. Mostly because I got shipped to another division where I don’t know what I’m doing. At all. Pretty much every single person that works here knows way more than me. Because it's not hard to know more than someone that knows nothing. And sitting in meetings feeling clueless sucks. In my last position, I was considered an expert. Talk about a fall from glory. What the hell.

I placed a teary eyed phone call to my husband during lunch yesterday like any good professional girl. You know. Because professional girls don't cry in meetings. They wait until they get to the bathroom. And then they take the last stall so no one can hear their sniffles. Although, honestly, I rarely cry about work related issues. Because that would require caring. I'm just too laid back for that. Yesterday's work related crying was pretty new to me. It left me feeling particularly delicate so I headed to my car. And an ice cream cone from McDonald's.

My husband being level headed and significantly more sane than me yesterday calmly listened to my incoherent blubbering. Then he talked me down from the ledge by calmly reminding me that I was sought out for this position because they think I have the ability to do it and that I'll be an asset. He also mentioned he thinks I can do anything and blah blah love you blah. But I still feel lost. And useless.

I ask lots of questions. And I listen and take notes. But I’m still in left field. And everyone else has been here for years. So I'll always be the least knowledgeable. Not that it’s a competition. Because I know it’s not. But it bugs me. It's bad enough I don't get to be popular anymore. But useless is just so unacceptable.

8 comments:

I know you can hear me... said...

Oh no! See, that is why I am terrified of change and resist it at all costs. Which is a whole different issue, but anyway...

I hope things at work get a little more smooth and easy soon! Hang in there!

Caroline Bender said...

One thing I find helpful is to count the first 30 days. 30 WORKING days. Because by the 2nd or 3rd week you can start to feel like everyone has made a huge mistake, but then you realize you've actually been on the job for 12 days. So, yeh, maybe it doesn't come naturally anymore. Then when you think it's actually been fewer than 100 HOURS... you can find it easy to forgive yourself. Stay Strong!

witchypoo said...

It's a learning curve, is all. If they didn't think you were up for it, you would not have been sought out. Trust me. I know things.

The Hotfessional said...

and that, sweetie, is why I have no resume although I've known I was going to be unemployed for about a year. As soon as this task is done, I'm out of a job. Seriously out. And all of my contacts are in another city.

You'll be fine. Cuz like the Mr. said, you were sought out for this position. And regardless of how you feel about you, they obviously see the ability in you. And you'll be fine. Truly.

Chaotic Joy said...

I think that what you are experiencing is fairly normal for a new job. So don't be discouraged. It will take a while to find your feet again but I am sure when you do, you will shine as you always have.

Hang in there.

Amy W said...

My work sucks now too because a certain boss left out on maternity leave without giving the rest of us a clue as to what she did.

Hope your work days get better.

Christy said...

I've been there! Actually I am there right now...stupid new job :(

It is getting better, actually faster than I though it would. I am sure it will for you.

a happier girl said...

i know - Yeah, I fear change too. For this exact reason.

caroline - I'm going to try counting the days. I know for sure I'm not letting myself think too much about whether I like the job until I've been here at least a month or two. Because of course I hate it right now. But it has to get better. Right?

witchypoo - My husband agrees. I'm trying very hard to believe ya'll.

hot - Thanks. I appreciate the encouragement. I hope you get your resume done and get it out there so you won't be so up in the air about your future. My resume isn't great or anything but I like to keep it handy so I can throw it in for jobs when they come up. Although that's sort of how I ended up useless but let's not get into that.

joy - You're so sweet! Thanks!

amy - I hope her maternity leave ends soon!

christy - I hope you're right. And it totally has to get better.

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