Last night, I blow dried a stuffed turtle. A turtle I’m forced to call a dog by the newest 4 year old. She spilled water on the turtle while water coloring at the dining room table. I feel somewhat confident that my brother and I were never allowed to water paint at the dining room table. My mother had a keen eye for activities prone to messes and always routed them outside. I, on the other hand, like to make sure my children do them over carpet. Just one of the many ways I like to bring a fresh new perspective to parenting. It’s also how I end up blow drying a stuffed turtle.
Luckily, the blow drying didn’t take long. I was able to get right back to my busy schedule of laying around watching DVR’d episodes of Jon and Kate Plus 8. That’s the TLC show about the couple who had twins followed by sextuplets. My husband can’t figure out what I like about the show. Specifically, I think it’s the screaming that gets him. It resembles our house. Except they have 4 times as many kids so there’s 4 times as much screaming. I think it’s the parents’ ability to not lose their minds with all the noise and chaos that has me riveted. My husband on the other hand likes to watch television to escape the screaming in our own house. So shows that involve screaming don’t really interest him.
My favorite part was when the father showed us the $.99 ear plugs he wears when they ride in the car. I only have two kids and I’ve contemplated ear plugs before. He says you can still hear but that it dampens the noise. I'm seriously contemplating trying it. And I’d like Kate to come over and dress my kids in little matchy matchy outfits and organize their birthday parties. But I would not like to be married to her because she seems kind of hard on her husband. Although, honestly, every time she makes a comment that I think might drive me nuts if I was married to her, I immediately forgive her because she’s at home all day with 8 kids and that’s enough to turn the nicest person you ever met into a total shrew so if that’s as shrew-ish as she gets she’s actually doing really well and Oprah should name her mother of the year and buy her a house or something.
Technically, I’m convinced their both on some sort of anti-anxiety medication. Doesn’t make you a bad person to need a little something something to keep your head above water. My husband says he’d have needed medication starting back when they had the twins. He also says he’d have skipped town before the sextuplets were born because even medication would not have been enough to see him through dealing with 8 small children. Which is okay, really, because I wouldn’t have missed him. Because my head would have exploded during the initial sonogram. And once your head has exploded, it’s difficult to miss anyone.
I also love how bare their house is of decorations. No curtains. No coffee table. No bookcases with knick knacks. I always want to know if they preemptively packed the stuff away to avoid it getting destroyed or if their kids have just destroyed everything. This probably fascinates me because we currently have a coffee table that’s been pushed up against a wall for three years and has only been used to store children’s books. I also went through a period of storing the kids shoes next to the garage door to easily get shoes on everyone before we left the house. These are not things I see in everyone’s house. I appreciate that their house seems very, very normal. And real. And the parents are funny. They seem like people I’d enjoy having dinner with. Unlike the Duggars who have 17 kids and seem like the sort of people that would make me feel like putting my headphones on if I was stuck sitting next to them on a plane. I’m sure they’re lovely people. Just not my cup of tea. And I’m not just saying that because the wife has hideous hair.