Children will agree to walk if you give them Krackel bars

My husband is out of town for work related training. Anytime he goes out of town I can count on 3 things. First, dinner will involve some form of chicken nuggets. Because I'm lazy and they're easy. And, perhaps more importantly, they're readily available in any drive thru at any time.

The second thing I can count on is that someone will eventually pee on the carpet. Generally, it's the world's most annoying dog. Last night, it was my 18 month old. His sister came up with the bright idea of letting him sit on the potty after she was done. While I admire her enthusiasm for potty training, it might be advisable for her to close the bathroom door in the future so he can't escape. Because I don't want to gross anyone out or anything, but last night our carpet was visited by more than just pee as a result of her error in judgement. I'll be issuing a letter of reprimand for her permanent file forthwith.

Finally, the third thing I can count on when my husband's away is a truly crappy night's rest. Part of it is that the kids don't seem to sleep as well when he's gone. The newest 4 year old wandered out of bed last night claiming she was scared to stay in her room. She wanted every light in her room on. We negotiated down to the closet and bathroom lights with the door open. But there were still tears and a late bedtime. And then a late night visit about a bad dream.

The 18 month old on the other hand likes to just make frequent contact with me throughout the night. Not "Come get me" cries. More like, "Why are there no Legos in this crib? I cannot live another day without Legos. Although, I do feel somewhat fatigued. Perhaps I will doze for two hours and revisit this topic at that time. Please standby."

I can't really blame the kids for not sleeping well when he's gone. I don't sleep well either. There's no one to forcibly cuddle with. The dogs always seem to need to pee at 3 am. And at some point I always hear a noise in another part of the house that I feel obligated to investigate. And that's with the burglar alarm turned on. Because, inside my head, the alarm will only prevent new intruders from entering the house and what if someone's been hiding in the closet for the last six hours waiting for me to go to sleep? Because, inside my head, my life is one gigantic episode of Law & Order SVU.

This morning after my restful night's sleep the alarm clock going off nearly gave me a heart attack. That was quickly followed by another near heart attack when the newest 4 year old slid off the counter while climbing up looking for candy. She made the mistake of putting her socks on first. I mean, seriously, who wears socks when they're climbing up on a counter? Obviously you need to do that barefoot. Do they teach that kid nothing at that daycare?

After I verified that she hadn't shoved her jaw out of alignment or rammed her teeth through her lip, I moved on to dealing with her brother who was busy staging a lay-in refusing to put on pants or remove his pajama shirt. It's amazing how ineffective, "But it's cold out" is when reasoning with an 18 month old. So I wrestled him into the pants while he kicked and screamed. And then my head exploded and Hershey's Krackel bars fell from the sky and everyone agreed to go to the car. They were still screaming of course. But at least they were willing to walk.

And honestly, some mornings willingness to walk is enough. In fact, some mornings, willingness to be carried is enough. Although less screaming would be nice.


carosgram said...

Krackel bars are good. I have even heard of parents feeding their children cheetos for breakfast. If it works, it's good for me.

Brad DuMaurier said...

"out of town for work related training"?

You sure 'bout dat?

Melinda said...

Just stumbled across your blog and wanted to send you a resounding "I hear you." My husband is out of town on a job interview, my dog just took it upon herself to use the facilities (and by "the facilities" I mean, of course, the living room rug) and my 16-month-old has decided to eschew napping in favor of delivering a 90-minute oral presentation from her crib entitled "Woof-woof more, more ball yaaa"

Caroline Bender said...

krackel bars contain rice. Which makes them practically cereal.

a happier girl said...

carosgram - Yes, if it works, it's good for me is my motto too!

brad - Haha. Actually I am. Altough I don't let that stop me from giving him a hard time about being off hanging out with his girlfriend. But it's all good.

melinda - Feel you too, girlfriend. Feel you.

caroline - I can't believe I never thought of that before! So true! Cereal = breakfast. No need to feel guilty about it anymore!

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