Am I going up or not?

I have arrived at a bit of a career crossroads. A good crossroads. The sort of crossroads where you have to decide where you want to go. I previously mentioned that I got a new promotion. That’s on top of the temporary promotion I got several months ago. My temporary promotion is ending soon and I’ll finally be heading over to start the new promotion. The new promotion is a very good job and will most likely include more schedule flexibility and even the potential to work at home. However, during the last few months I’ve discovered that I kinda like the temporary position.

The schedule is much less flexible and there’s zero chance of working at home, but I enjoy the challenge of the position and the interaction with people that’s involved. I haven’t worked in the new position yet. For all I know I’ll like that job just as much. Who knows. The thing of it is that the new job doesn’t really have anywhere else to go beyond that position. It doesn’t have any more promotional potential if you will. However, the temporary position I'm in, it’s right in line for other promotions down the road. Promotions I wouldn’t be able to get unless I stayed in the temporary position. See the problem?

Both positions are promotions and both involve the same raise so money isn't the issue. One is just cushier and has perks but doesn’t offer future career advancement opportunities. The other is less cushy but leads somewhere. One of my favorite things about my old position is the schedule flexibility. I could drop everything and go feed the ducks with my kids for an hour. I could roll in late if I was up late the night before with a sick kid. Those are strong selling points for a job if you're a mother.

The truth is that sometime after I had children, my job became just a job as opposed to a career. But I have an actual career going. A good career. And it’s difficult when there are career opportunities that interest you but the constraints of being able to be the mother you want to be stand in the way. I want to be the sort of mother that does the duck pond and the doctor’s appointments and helps with homework after school and blah blah blah. The temporary position wouldn’t involve more hours per week or anything. So I guess it's just the lack of schedule flexibility that I fear. I'm not sure.

This job related stuff has been crossing my mind a lot lately. I figured at some point I’d have to decide where I’m headed and what I want. I just didn’t realize it would be so soon. Permanent openings are currently available for the temporary promotion position. They’re only available until the close of business Friday. That's today. So I have to decide if I’d like to put in for them. Normally, I’d toss my hat in the ring for consideration figuring it’s not even a sure thing I’d get it. I’m laid back like that. I figure it's better to put my name in the hat then wish I had once it's too late.

Except. Well. See, I kinda get the impression my current boss might make sure I get the position if I put in for it. So, if I toss my hat in the ring, it shouldn’t be a “let’s see what happens” sort of tossing of the hat. Because if I got it and backed out I’d look stupid. Which is fine in the confines of your own house. Or maybe even over lunch in the breakroom with coworkers who think your Cartman impression is really funny.

But what I don’t need is higher ups thinking I’m a flake job. Not that I’m not a flake job. I’m just saying let’s minimize looking like one at work. I think getting offered the job after a higher up pulls strings to get you the job would make the higher up prone to never pulling strings for you again. And I don’t even know that she'd pull strings. Maybe it'd just be a name mentioned in passing to the right person. Or an emphatic recommendation. Or just an asterisk next to someone’s name. But I don’t know if I want the asterisk next to my name. Because I don’t know if I even want my name on someone’s desk to get an asterisk. I don’t know much of anything. Except that I need to decide soon. And that it’s hard. Ho hum.