One of my nightly rituals, is watching a few minutes of television before bed. I used to be stuck watching whatever crap was on at that time. Thanks to my DVR now I get to watch any crap I want.
If my husband likes the show I'm watching, he'll lay down and watch with me. If not, he'll typically sit at the computer three feet away and check email. He's been having trouble the last couple weeks deciding if he likes Damages. It's the FX show with Glenn Close as the wenchy lawyer. My husband's been half watching all season. By half watching I mean sitting with his back to the television and turning around to watch the exciting parts. I get to fill in all the blanks for him. Who's that? Does he know about that other guy? Is that her husband? He's like the annoying guy at the movies asking the person next to him to explain everything. You know. The one you want to throttle. Except he's not a confused twit, he's just trying to get by only half watching a show.
I let him get away with this because the aforementioned DVR lets me rewind when he talks during the middle of important cross examinations. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for when I talk during the fourth quarter of pretty much any football game that involves someone on the 20 yard line with 3rd and long. Because rewinding football should not be necessary. Ever. Because it is football and therefore, by definition, significantly more important than 93% of the things that could possibly come out of my mouth. But I digress.
Once I'm done watching television, I turn the television off and tell my husband I'm going to sleep. That's my husband's cue to come over and give me some sugar before I go to sleep. I will accept a kiss but cuddling is preferred. My husband enjoys pretending he doesn't catch on to the cue. I enjoy taking great pains to point it out to him. It's another fun game we play.
Before we had a computer in the bedroom, I used to call him on his cell phone in the living room to announce I was going to sleep. One night he lingered in the living room too long so I called and told him it was a good thing he didn't come in the bedroom earlier because I was really busy and didn't have time for him anyway. "I'm really busy" is now sort of legendary in our house. It's also passive-aggressive code for "You suck for taking so long. Get the hell in here."
I've also been known to block the caller ID and call and ask him what he's wearing. Sometimes I just breathe into the phone. When I'm done, I like to leave the phone on his side of the bed for him to hang up. Last night, he put the phone on top of my head and told me I should put it away when I'm done. I looked at him, picked up the phone and told him to hang on a second. Then I pulled the covers over my head, dialed his cell phone and explained to him that as much as I'd like to put the phone away I was really busy so I couldn't. And then I put the phone back on his pillow.
Who knew being married could be so much fun?