11.19.2013

The Wagon Ran Me Over

I fell off the healthy eating bandwagon shortly before my cold weather camping excursion.

It started with this and that here and there. First it was getting carried away indulging on my long run days. Not anything super crazy but saying yes to multiple treats. Cheeseburger and fries for lunch. Giant vat of froyo after dinner. I'd run so long I burned a ridiculous number of calories so I'd earned it. I should have taken that as a sign. A sign that I was starting to let food creep in as a reward.   That's an old habit it took me a long time to break.

Then it became a slice of cake at work. Then a larger slice of cake at work the next time. Then my favorite Halloween candy.  Then my less favorite Halloween candy.  Then my least favorite Halloween candy.  Then a bottle of Dr. Pepper one day when I was tired. Then 9 double stuff Oreos just because. It started out as 4 and then the next time I went through the kitchen 3 more called to me and then the bag was almost empty so 2 more seemed like the right thing to do so I wouldn’t waste cabinet space on an all but empty bag.
 
And then we went camping and all bets were off.  Because I was tired. And when I’m tired, I have zero will to fight. Marshmallows. Corn Pops. Whataburger on the drive home there.  Whataburger on the drive home.  Oh, and the little matter of a 2 liter of Dr. Pepper I single handedly inhaled over 3 days.

After the camping trip, the wheels felt like they were already coming off the bus but I was still limping along.  But then there was the Taco Bell drive thru on the way to the grocery store. And a frozen margarita after the kids went to bed.  Two nights in a row.  I still fit in my size 6 jeans so it couldn't be as bad as I thought. 

And then I got sick and I felt tired and cruddy and I was officially off the wagon with wheel marks on my back where it ran me over and left me for dead.  I hit the Whataburger drive thru not one day but 2 days in a row.  Bacon taquito, hashbrown sticks and a large Dr.  Pepper.  My inner fat girl go to breakfast after dropping the kids off at school day after fat girl day.   I like my tortilla soft and my cheese melted.  Just sayin'.  Also, just sayin', I ate the hell out of it.  Also, just sayin', I was super frustrated with myself. 

I could feel myself slipping down the rabbit hole back into bad routines.  It was kinda scary.  And disappointing.  And then I reminded myself how far I've come.  That my least perfect days now are nothing compared to my best days last July at 204.4 pounds.   That I'm stronger than I thought.  That I can do hard things.  That messing up doesn't have to define me.
The Pinterest motivational quote that always speaks to me.  Fail enough and trying again can be scary.  Been there.  Still there. 
And then I decided to try again.    Just like that.  And I went to bed early, got a decent night's rest to set myself up for success and then I did.  Start again. 

Weighed in, before photos and then I went back to the things I knew worked for me.  Water, Pinterest motivational quotes and walking in the fresh air.  I'm 4 days in and remembering who I am.   I like that I recognize that person and missed her.  I'm only up a couple pounds and the size 6s still zipBut I've got a Jelly Belly that's still in progress and I need to get back to it.  So I'm going to.  And it'll be hard.  And I might wind up in that Whataburger drive thru again.   But that's all part of earning my stripes.
Hooray for a new day!

2 comments:

tattooedteacherintexas said...

i can TOTALLY relate to this post! dr. pepper, whataburger, cake? food can be powerful! sometimes i don't realize it's happening for a little while and then i have to just run after it and grasp that wagon by my fingernails and pull myself back onto it.
it sounds like you're doing everything right again! that's what matters! :)

Desiree Marshall said...

Great job on picking up the pieces and getting back on the wagon. It is so hard that first day, but it's just like you said, it's all part of the learning experience!

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